How to cope with the loneliness of being a startup CEO

This is something new for me, expressing my feelings publicly to a bunch of people I don’t know. I do it a bit on my social media, but not that much into depth. The reason I’m writing this is that I know that I’m not the only one out there experiencing the loneliness of being a startup CEO, and if there was someone out there to help me earlier on it would have made the last 18 months a hell of a lot easier.

Chief Executive Officer, or CEO, AKA the biggest BS title in my opinion, can be the loneliest and hardest position out there in the professional world. You are on top of the chain but it comes with a particular burden that not every person’s shoulders can bare. Even if you have amazing partners and a strong team, eventually you’re solely responsible for making decisions that steer your “baby” in the right direction.

It’s day and night, all day every day. You can’t switch it off. So many responsibilities, so much to take care of and so many new ideas popping in your head, spreading like wildfire.

How on earth are you supposed to deal with this, without turning to expensive therapy or worse, pills?

In my 18 months as startup founder and CEO I have learned the hard way how to cope with — at least some of — the immense stress and loneliness that this whole shebang brings along with it.

Family

Oh my God, I can’t even imagine to describe the importance of family, in basically everything in life. I’m not at all surprised that it’s the first thing that came to mind and the first thing on this list. Having the unconditional, but realistic, support of your family can make or break you. They might not quite understand what it is that you’re doing or trying to achieve, but they will support you no matter what. If they don’t, simply make them.

When I say, realistic support, they need to be tough on you when it comes to chasing dreams. Sometimes you’re so deep in it, that you simply can’t see or acknowledge failure. Who better to slap you into your senses than the people you trust most? Keep it real people..

Friends

Having a close group of friends that you can meet for drinks just to blow off some steam, for instance, can play an important role in keeping your sanity. It’s even better if some of those friends are going through the same struggles you are. That way, you can be each others blow-off valve.

Mentors

Mentors…wow…I have so many great ones thanks to the accelerators that we participated in with our startup. These mentors free up their own time to help you — for free! These people can make thousands of dollars consulting companies, yet they choose to help you for free. Use that! Put your ego aside and let them help you. Sometimes your head is so far up your ass that you can’t see clearly into which direction you’re steering your company. These mentors have helped many others and can have a more objective picture of your company’s situation. You don’t have to accept everything they advise you, but you’d be stupid not to at least listen to what they have to say.

Advisors

Similar to mentors, but not free. Advisors are key in any early stage (or whatever stage) company, and a another great source for a sense of your company’s direction from someone that’s not involved with daily operations. Advisors usually get some equity in the company, with clear KPI’s and deliverables of the added value they’re bringing to the table. Don’t just spread around equity for a big name on the presentation. Make them work for it. Value is key. If you have good advisors, they will open doors for you. If you have great advisors you can reach out to them on a personal note as well. To be honest with you, we’re still without any official advisors, but we’re working on it ;-)

Other CEO’s

Sounds obvious, but surprisingly not often utilized. Your instincts immediately scream “competitors” or “showing weakness”. Get over it. You are not the only one going through the struggles of being a Founder/CEO. At some point everyone goes through the same process and it helps to learn from other people’s mistakes so you can avoid them when the situation arises. Some situations are inevitable but it’s good to speak to others about it so that when it happens, you’re aware.

Support groups

Wow, I’m a huge fan. Introduced to me through the MassChallenge Accelerator, I’ve been participating in a concept called “Forum” for the last 4 months. These support groups consist of 6–10 other CEO’s that are meeting for 4 hours once a month. No phones. No laptops. Nothing but you, your peers, and your struggles. It’s only talking about each others challenges and working as a group, with our collective experiences, to come up with potential solutions. This has been incredibly useful for me personally. It’s also great that you can help other founders, including those that initially seemed to have more experience than you. Again, sometimes the outsider that isn’t so emotionally and mentally invested can help you best.

Just dealing with it

Easier said than done, just deal with it. You won’t die from it, I promise. If you do, you won’t be reading this anyway. Think of all the things I told you about and realize that it’s “just work”. Take care of your health, your mind and your family, nothing’s more important than that.

Other activities

Most of us are workaholics, and that’s fine when it’s your company. However, it will only pay out in the long run when you make time for other things to preoccupy your mind. I do a lot of CrossFit, cooking, yoga, and make sure to meet friends and family (I even put Google Notifications so I don’t miss out on any friends-time). I’m not the type of guy that is used to working full days behind a computer so any excuse I can find after work that doesn’t include a laptop or phone, I take it. I suggest you do the same.

Did I miss out on anything major? Don’t be afraid to comment with your own methods. Other than that, take it easy and stay healthy.