Facing my fears#6

This time yet again I decided to face a fear through “face”book (:P). I was watching a video of John Mayer playing Ain’t So Sunshine and wanted to share it on Facebook. Personally I’ve always been in awe of John Mayer. I love his Hendrix covers, his guitar technique and his overall charisma.

While sharing the post, I wondered, what if I wrote what was actually on my mind ? That I idolized him and felt attracted towards him(NOT in a platonic sense). People would think that I am gay (I identify as bi-curious, but I don’t expect everyone to be aware of the nuances of human sexuality) and I didn’t wanna be seen as a “faggot”. I didn’t want to be needlessly stigmatized. What if people who like me start thinking lowly of me? What if they start judging me for feeling attracted towards someone of the same sex? Already I hear people say that I am “gay” or “ a girl” for having my hair long. This would be the final nail in the coffin. No one will take me seriously , they would just dismiss me by calling me out as “gay!”. I’d lose any respect I had previously. This was the worst case scenario going through my head ,which I had already assumed to be an obvious consequence even before I had pressed the share button.

I went through with it anyway and shared the post, as expected I received a lot of comments calling me out as “Gay” as a sort of an insult. However the comments were intended, I didn’t take offense to being labelled “gay” because I don’t subscribe to the idea that being straight is somehow better than being “gay”, that homosexuals are perverts and deserve to be looked down upon; that homosexual men are not “men” in the true sense. Some people actually found the caption funny which pleasantly surprised me. As is the pattern, it was not half as bad as I thought it would be. Mostly, no one gave a fuck, which was liberating ! My anxiety had made me believe the entire world would be concerned about and judge me on my personal choices. That was fuckin’ stupid. Well, at least I got that cleared out.