My Wife Doesn’t Like Stinky Cheeses
I recently asked my wife to review five stinky cheeses, all of which I purchased from supermarkets in San Francisco.
Winnimere (USA)
This runny, pungent treasure is crafted by the folks at Jasper Hill Farm, in Vermont. It’s only available from late fall to early spring, and that scarcity only adds to its charm. Like the cheese it’s supposedly patterned after — Switzerland’s Vacherin Mont d’Or — Winnimere is made from the milk of hay-fed cows, and it coats your tongue with an explosion of fermented earthiness. I cannot help but lick the rind.
My wife’s review: “This literally smells like a monkey’s dirty ass.”
My wife would not taste this cheese.
Ardrahan (Ireland)
Ardrahan is one of the riper cheeses you can find at Whole Foods. It’s a semi-soft cow’s milk cheese with a smoky aroma, and it leaves you with a fantastic parting gift: the unmistakable aftertaste of bacon.
My wife: “Do not ever bring that into our house again.”
My wife would not taste this cheese.
Torta di Peghera (Italy)
Pasty like a creamy gorgonzola, this northern Italian beauty is my favorite for spreading on toast. I also melt some on tortellini. The best description of this cheese comes from Luigi Guffanti, a distributor outside Milan, who detects “notes of barn.”
My wife: “How do you not understand that ‘notes of barn’ is code for ‘smells like cow shit?’”
My wife would not taste this cheese.
Alsatian Munster (France)
I knew I was in for a treat when the cashier at Whole Foods had to replace her rubber gloves after touching this cheese — even though it was wrapped in plastic. With the tight gooey consistency of caramel, this Munster (no “e”) has nothing to do with the tasteless Muenster slices I remember from childhood. This one packs flavors as intense as its aroma.
My wife: “Are you insane?”
My wife would not stand in same room as this cheese.
Tunworth (England)
San Francisco’s Rainbow Market bills Tunworth as ‘best Camembert ever.’ Crafted by Stacy Hedges of Hampshire Cheeses, Tunworth is similar to Camembert, but in my mind so much more delicate and tangy. It’s also got just the right gooeyness — somewhere in between runny and semi-soft — to coat your tongue in its abundant, complex grassiness. In short, this is now my current favorite cheese of all-time (stealing the crown from Winnimere).
My wife: “You are insane.”
My wife would not taste this cheese.
As a result of these experiences, I’m always on the lookout for cheeses that taste stinky but don’t smell stinky. If you know of any, please recommend.
