Does Happiness Matter?
Maybe not as much as you think
Charles M. Schulz once published a collection of Peanuts cartoons entitled “Happiness is a Warm Puppy.” Several members of my family treasure this, as both the cartoons and the idea of happiness really warm their hearts. I never could put my finger on exactly what my problem was with this idea, but I just had this troubled spirit about the concept of happiness.
Moment of transparency: I actually discussed this recently with a therapist I’ve been seeing. It seemed absolutely stupid to me to admit to this person that happiness troubled me. The therapist asked me if I was afraid of being happy, and for a split second that actually made sense — until I realized that wasn’t the problem, either.
“No. I’m not afraid of happiness,” I said. “I just realize after countless experiences with the rise and fall of happiness that it is…incomplete.”
“What do you mean, ‘incomplete?’” she asked.
“I’ve been happy many times in my life, but it always ends,” I replied. “In fact, I would dare say that finding happiness is actually quite easy. It’s keeping it that has proven elusive throughout my life.”
I have since realized that there is a fundamental weakness to happiness. In my experience, happiness depends on external circumstances. Examples of this include relationships, financial situations, work circumstances, and either success or failure in the various other facets of my life. When things are going well, I am happy. When they aren’t, I’m not. It’s really that simple.
Let’s be honest about this, okay? Happiness never lasts because things don’t always go well. So why do I always chase something so temporary when I know it never lasts? If Schulz wanted to be more accurate, perhaps a more appropriate title would have been “Happiness is a Puppy — As Long As It is Warm and Well-Fed.”
My therapist helped me discover not only what my problem was with happiness, but also what to do about it. I don’t want to be miserable, but I had to come to a place where I understood that stopping my pursuit of happiness didn’t necessarily mean being unhappy — miserable even. It turns out, there is a better thing to chase — something that lasts far longer and has an endless supply of renewable energy.
Unlike happiness, joy is not dependent on or subject to external circumstances or influences. Joy is an inner strength that endures no matter what happens around you. Many people draw joy from their faith — indeed, many insist that this is the only source of true inner joy. Many draw joy from investing in their own souls instead of only worrying about their fleshly desires (either met or unmet).
How do you know if what you’re feeling is happiness or joy? Here’s a little test: if another person or external circumstance has the power to determine your inner strength, you are chasing happiness and either have it or don’t. If you determine your own inner strength and realize you have it, then you have abiding joy. It’s another thing that really is that simple.
The bottom line is, people will hurt you from time to time whether they mean to or not. You will fail from time to time at various endeavors whether you want to or not — whether you try hard or not. This earthly life offers no guarantees beyond this truth. Some days will be awesome and some days will suck. Some relationships will be fulfilling and some relationships will drain you. Only you can determine their effect on your inner peace.
Happiness is a feeling that ebbs and flows with the tide of your life’s circumstances; joy is an abiding ability to float on those waves and still be your best self.
Frank Vaughn
Burlington County, N.J.
