Prayer will change your life
I have tried so many things and been led down so many paths and, especially career-wise, few of them have come to fruition. I am fortunate to have had (and continue to have) many opportunities, but they are on small scales leading more than a few in my life to question why I even bother performing in that play or writing that novel.
Lots of work. Little exterior/financial reward.
I’ve asked and pleaded with Him: why? I try. I persevere. Yet, my life is modest. Hidden.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end . . .
So deep was the disconnect between me and Him; so frustrated with His plans was I that I cracked up, turned away, believed those who didn’t believe in Him.
But He was persistent — a tireless knocker at the door of my heart begging for the tawdry prize that lay behind it. I let Him in, again. Turned my ear to Him, again. Let Him clarify my vision, rearrange my values and purify my heart.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you . . .
Prayer is a blindfold willingly donned, frightening and foolish at first, but gradually (through grace) becoming nourishment and narcotic.
In taking all that I was and all that I wanted and giving it to Him in prayer, I gained the elusive, hopelessly underrated treasure of true freedom.
Don’t get me wrong: I have daily bouts with my ego, insisting that my way is the only way. But it’s in prayer — the Rosary; speaking with Him as I would a friend; sitting silently in His presence — where the ways and things of this world drop away.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road,though I may know nothing about it . . .
Because of my commitment to prayer (or, rather, His commitment made through me), my life is richer, more meaningful, open to joy.
And replete with trials, large and small.
I’ve lost friends to cancer and heart disease.
I’ve lost friends to suicide.
I’ve feared for my loved ones and continue to do so.
But I’ve learned to take all of this to God in prayer and, in that lesson, received a great mission. I now dedicate many of my prayers for the intentions and needs others. Intercessory prayer is deeply powerful and I’ve quietly witnessed its effects.
I’ve been moved to devote decades of my Rosary for certain individuals and groups (parents, those who struggle with mental illness, victims of suicide).
I am thankful to our God for so many things and leading that list is prayer. It is the refuge of sufferers, the force of Creation.
Try it.
Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me,and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton
