What Happens When You Don’t Feel God?
Here’s what I learned about not #feelingGod
A few years ago, I heard a reverend say: “there are times I feel the hand of God resting on my shoulder. And, there are other times where God is so distant it feels like God isn’t even there”
The first thing that came to mind when I heard this was:
“wow, isn’t that sad for him”
To give a little background, this was about two years after my spiritual awakening.
Two years after I had a transformational mystical experience where I felt the love of God.
Once you feel it, you can’t go back.
I felt the hand of God for two years straight. During my prayer routine in the mornings, God was with me, in my living room. Listening, spreading warmth and positive energy, and giving me ideas for new stuff to create.
I shared what was on my mind, heart and soul and God provided me with whatever answers I needed.
There was this amazing flow of energy and God and I were communicating within this flow.
We were the team of all teams!
So, when I heard the reverend say at times, he couldn’t feel the hand of God, I was sad for him.
In May 2018, I experienced pains in my stomach and had to go to the hospital.
My appendix was bursting, and I had no choice but to get an appendectomy. I was in the hospital longer than expected because of some complications — a collapsed lung! After 4 days in the hospital, I was finally able to leave, feeling so happy to be free — but also so sad and disappointed.
The reason for the sadness is because while I was in the hospital, I couldn’t feel God. When I went home, I couldn’t feel God. My morning prayer routines were lonely, demotivating and depressing. In fact, I stopped waking up earlier because of it. My passion for writing and creating new things disappeared. My day job was on autopilot.
I was unfocused and I didn’t know what to do about it and I didn’t know how to share it with others.
I no longer felt God and I was super angry. Angry at God for abandoning me during a time when I needed God the most. I’ve never been in the hospital before and this ordeal threw me off my game.
Why would God not stay and be with me?
Fast forward 5 months later
I am listening to another sermon and the reverend was preaching about feeling God and he said: “It doesn’t matter whether or not you feel God in your daily life. God’s there regardless of how you feel”
The light went off and it was as if God was saying “see, look!”. God was in that hospital room the whole time, even though I didn’t feel it. God has been with me the last 5 months — it was me who stopped waking up early for my morning prayer routine.
The truth is, this is what happened after I had surgery:
- my phone flooded with a bunch messages from friends with words of encouragement.
- a friend sent me flowers
- friend asked if I needed my bible
- friend from Church came to visit
- the local deacon came to visit
- one of the young nurses saw my bible and asked what church I went to because she goes to church as well
- I reconnected with a friend from elementary school
- my husband took care of the home front so I didn’t have to worry
If that wasn’t enough, I had to get so many needles during my stay, my fear of needles disappeared. I overcame my 20-year fear of needles!
Both Reverends were right!
There are times we may feel the hand of God and there are times where we may not. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter whether we feel God or not because God is always with us. During the good times and the bad times — we just have to keep looking for God in the people around us, stay strong and have faith.
