Essay #2 — “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The Road To Happiness and Away From Toxicity”
Written by: Participant 16
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The Road To Happiness and Away From Toxicity
The worst moment in my dating life was probably when I got excited about a text from a guy I met once through a dating app who got me so drunk with multiple shots of vodka that I passed out while throwing up in his bathroom (fortunately, he was wasted as well and fell asleep in his bed so I could escape his place “safely” once I woke up in the bathroom). The text came months after the incident which included me freaking out about whether or not I had an unprotected sex with him during the blackout and many anxious texts being ignored. And yet, I was excited for the possibility that I could leave all those awful moments behind and start dating him again, or more accurately, be wanted by him. As a self-proclaimed feminist and a person of sense, I knew that he was a predator who deliberately fed me shots and shots of vodka after I told him I never had shots in my life and kissed me while I could not give reasonable consents. But I was willing to look past all of this if I could get him to like me — I felt more rejected than upset with his previous behaviors. Luckily, the second date did not happen, so I earned some time and space to think about what my attraction to him and my justification of that mean.
Why did Rebecca Bunch walk out on her promotion to a junior partner which could have earned her a 7 figure salary, just to be with Josh Chan whom she dated at a summer camp ten years ago? Sure, she wanted to be happy and was unhappy in New York so needed a change. But why did she define her happiness as getting back together with Josh whom she barely knows? Is it really about Josh or something Josh symbolizes, like “the effortless normalcy” that Rebecca has been rejected for her entire life? If it is not about Josh, is her time spent at West Covina to pursue him meaningless and wasted?
One of the positive aspects of unrequited love is, according to <Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession>, the insight it provides to one’s often hidden desire and passion. Though feminist and smart, Rebecca has not had enough opportunities to realize what she truly wants. She has achieved a lot in her career but it was mostly to please her mom and to get “what happy feels like”; she dated many people who were just stand-ins for her dad and her mom. When she had a panic attack after the promotion offer at New York, she reached the conclusion that she was unhappy and needed to change things to be happy, but not knowing what makes her happy, she assumed that being with Josh will solve her problems and make her happy. The wrong conclusion with the right intention however brought her to West Covina where she became best friends with Paula and launched a full-on mission to seduce Josh. During the path to marriage with Josh, Rebecca learned more about herself than Josh — her obsessive pattern with romantic partners and the need to seek help.
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