Can’t a fella have a little pretty decoration now and then? My wife had noticed the toothpaste spot on my sweatshirt. She pointed at it.

“You can’t go out like that!”

But I can. There are plenty of places you can go with a dirty sweatshirt. Any hardware store. Any Walmart. Any gas station. Lots of places.

While my wife disagrees, I feel quite comfortable about running to the supermarket for bananas with this badge of white on my chest. People could mistake it for paint, and getting paint on your sweatshirt is a confirmation of masculinity.