Cycle of Life
Every one is working together. From the youngest family member to the oldest, we are all supporting each other. If we were to stick with the baby mobile analogy, each hanging piece of it is one family member. If one of those pieces were to swing more crazy than another or not swing at all, the entire mobile is in shambles trying to figure out what to do.
Like a hanging baby mobile, the family goes in a circle. Around and around we go in a circle of life. Beginning with a child, a baby, they grow up and become an adult and therefore begin their own cycle of a baby growing up. At some point they become too old and slowly die off, but not before seeing their family’s circle continue.
When it comes to grief, it looks different to every one but there about three main categories. Confrontation, Adjustment, and Adaption. Much like every category, these too have subcategories. Confrontation: Denial, Blame/guilt, Shock. Adjustment: Bargaining, Anger, Depression. Adaptation: Life-cycle changes, Realistic planning, Expectation changes.
As a professional doing my best to help a family, it’s important to know these subcategories and learn to recognize them. Knowing where a family resides, or even just one family member, can help by giving us a starting point. Having an idea where to start, let’s us know where we need to go.
If the family is in the Confrontation category of grief, our first job is to try and pinpoint what is causing them to be in this group. If the cause of the grief was recent, it makes sense, but if it’s been 6 months or so, then they should at least be trying to move on.
If the family is in the Adjustment category, we know they are doing their best trying to cope with what’s happened. We can be there for them and make sure we are available to talk, if they so desire. I call this category: Trying to Cope. Working hard or doing more than normal serves as a distraction from thinking and accepting what happened. Being angry gives them an outlet for their grief. Whether they’ve skipped steps or have gone through everything up till now, usually the family will go through a depression phase. The slow, sad acceptance that their child won’t get better and it won’t matter how angry they get or how much they distract themselves, the happenstance is still there.
Once the family is in the Adaption phase, they’ve finally began to truly accept what’s happened. By doing so, the family will be able to realistically plan and make changes accordingly. Changing their expectations of themselves and their child also comes during this phase of grief. Knowing what to expect and how they can work around it is so helpful to families.
If you want to know more, comment below and I’ll respond when I can!
I’m always open to talking about people with disabilities and my personal experiences with different people.
