10 Lessons From My First Month Of Fatherhood

Even “aggressive planners” can’t plan for everything!

Luma Pimentel on Unsplash

Last month my wife and I welcomed our first child into the world. He arrived almost two weeks early, eagerly making his entrance and presence known during this unprecedented year. We would be described by our friends and family as “aggressive planners.” The preparation for parenthood was no different.

However, and for those who are parents I’m sure this will come as no surprise, nothing can prepare you for that fateful drive home from the confines and security of the hospital with a newborn. Having been a parent now for 30 days, I feel wiser, I feel tired, and I feel prepared to document ten things I’ve learned from this journey:

1. Babies noises are amazing — I might as well start with something short and to the point. No matter how tough things get, or how tired you are, there is something about a grunt, groan, or whimper from the new addition to your family that automatically brings a smile to your face. Embrace the funny and relish the beautiful.
2. Prepare to wake yourself up multiple times the first few nights just to confirm your baby is still breathing. You will do this even though nothing looks off and nothing sounds concerning. Give yourself credit for how much you care about this human and I promise it will get less scary.
3. You will have good 4 hour stretches and you will have difficult 4 hour stretches. It will seem almost random, so don’t get too comfortable with the good, and don’t get too distraught during the bad. The best advice I received pre-parenthood, and it applies even more during this new phase of my life: This too shall pass.
4. Ask three people what to do with your baby, and prepare for three very different perspectives. Conflicting advice is almost comical. In a 48 hour stretch we received diametrically opposed advice on swaddling from two really great pediatricians. Between family, friends, professionals, and random strangers everyone has a perspective on a baby hack that will transform your experience. Solicit feedback, smile, and then decide with your partner.
5. The unexpected “One More” moments are the best: One more hour of sleep when they rustle but don’t fully wake up. One more burp or fart that makes all the difference in silencing their cries. One more anything that helps make this exceedingly difficult pursuit easier. These are the moments to relish.
6. Schedule shifts with your partner. You are in this together. Keep your focus on doing what you can to be teammates. Make things easier by thinking about your pre-baby routines to utilize your unique strengths. Was someone more of a morning person before? Ensure the shift scheduling takes into account your individual circadian rhythm preferences as much as possible.
7. There will be nights when nothing works. At some point it is inevitable that you will inevitably have a white noise machine going, with a Baby Shusher in your hand, while a lullaby playlist plays in the background on your phone, as your partner tries the 4th different swaddle, which followed an intense burping session with your little one, all to no avail. Find the humor in it. It’s tough, but your home will become a laboratory for testing your crazy ideas of what you think might bail you out of a situation with no easy answers.
8. Get an app that tracks everything (feeding times + diapers soiled + sleep +etc.) to make sure your baby is healthy and to keep you organized in the face of chaos. You will still wonder why the app makers didn’t add a tracker for you to click when the only appropriate description of the situation is “crying uncontrollably with no reason other than the fact that you have tried everything and it is 3:47AM”
9. Sometimes you will figure out what’s wrong and feel an amazing sense of accomplishment that your baby is fed, clean, and happy. Give yourself credit, because see lesson number three and number seven. You need to celebrate the wins. Parenting is responding to the hand you are dealt, trying to hit a difficult curveball, and any other metaphor that speaks to needing a sense of humor and resilience in the face of uncertainty and exhaustion.
10. If my parents love me even 10% as much as I love this little guy, I cannot thank them enough for what they did to make me who I am today. I think this is one of my most enduring perspectives from this first month of fatherhood. You really have no ability to understand the trials, the tribulations, and the love necessary to be a parent until you embark on the adventure yourself. It is rewarding and it is tiring. Thank those around you who are helping you through. Reach out to the people in your life who matter. This is unequivocally the best, the most difficult, and already the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Good luck.