After Our Unplanned Home Birth, My View Of Childbirth Has Completely Changed
I had two completely different births. My first delivery was at the hospital and very very long.
My first daughter was born in a hospital. The whole labor, since the first contraction, was really strong and exhausting. When I was pregnant, I dreamed about having a home birth, but I was too insecure about it, and my partner really preferred the hospital. As that hospital offers you one-to-one attention with a midwife, rooming in with your baby, etc., I was good with that decision.
It took 28 hours from the first contraction until the delivery. Yes, you read correctly. And right from the start, the contractions happened every 3–7 minutes. So you can calculate how many contractions we had to wave through in those 28 hours… And they were so strong. It really was a hard ride.
In short, when I arrived at the hospital, they told me I still have time, so to go for a walk and even to go back home. It was terrible in my flat. I even had to throw up there because of the extremely strong contraction. Then, I had to suffer trying to be seated in the car going back to the hospital. There we tried to make things better by going into the childbirth bathtub, by taking homeopathy, by inhaling nitrous oxide (I thought I would at least be able to laugh a bit! But no — no change at all), I even got some stronger analgesic into the vain to see if I could loosen up a bit, but nothing really helped. I was done… I started to rave and drift away.
The absolutely not wanted epidural anesthesia saved everything and finally made my delivery fulfilling
After about 8 hours of being stuck in the delivery process, the midwives have already recommended getting epidural anesthesia, but I refused because I just wanted to have it all “natural”. But then after 18 hours, right before drifting away, I said ok, before this might have to turn into a c-section or something, I will accept this big needle.
At that moment, my mom came into the delivery room to check on us. It was kind of scary because on top of it, it was a student who for the very first time would put the anesthesia - on me! My mom couldn’t believe her ears. Funnily, I took it as a positive thing because that way, I felt like at least I’m doing her a favor by being the person to whom she can give her first ever epidural. Gotta be someone! So we held hands with my mom, while she was putting that gigant needle into my spine, and I just said, “it’s gonna be fine mom, it’s the right thing to do now”. And the student did a good job ;). Finally, my partner and I could sleep for like 2 hours.
When my finally again “productive” contractions woke me up, I felt so strong, open, and present. From there on, my labor and delivery were beautiful! Well, beautiful might not be the correct word, but fulfilling! As unexpected, I could absolutely use my legs. I got on all fours and started to “dance” my hips around, and then finally everything opened up and she was here! My beautiful little baby! So ready and clean! ;) We even went home on the same day :).
I had to tell a little bit about my first birth, because I think it absolutely had influenced the second birth, at least the way of expecting it, and preparing for it.
With my second birth, all my focus was on my first daughter
One thing that I really think influenced my second birth, is that this time I wasn’t focused on the act of giving birth so hard as on my first one. That is because this time I had an 18 months old toddler around me, who needed to be taken care of while I would be delivering my second baby — so I thought!
I was focused on explaining to my grandparents (her great grant parents) where the diapers are, how I change them (standing), what and how I cook for her, and where to find everything, how to help her with her naps and bedtime, etc. I even recorded videos for her!
So when the first contraction came — wait, I actually prefer to call them waves ;). So when my first wave came, the first thing I thought of, was “ok, I will cook enough food for my toddler and the great grandparents, get everything ready for them, and then tell my grandma that she might have to come in the evening to stay overnight. You might wonder why I was calling my grandma and not my mom?! So my mom and dad live in Ecuador half part of the year, but of course they planned to come for the birth-giving, and that day, they were actually about to get onto the plane to fly over the Atlantik to our place. My girl just decided to come out 6 days before her due date ;).
After cooking and some playing, the three of us took a siesta together, gratefully! With my first childbirth that wasn’t possible at all because of the extremely continuous waves. When I woke up from the siesta with a new wave, already stronger than before, I knew I had to inform my midwife in order to get some advice on how long I could wait until heading to the hospital because I really didn’t want to go too early like with my first birth.
Gratefully my grandma came early to check and see what she would need later for the night.
When my grandma saw me, she immediately told me to go right to the hospital, or at least call my midwife to come immediately and check because according to her, my waves were really strong and continuous. I decided to wait because I was still feeling so good and calm, which made me think I still had a lot of time because the first time it was just so different. However, after some minutes, I as well decided that it was time to call my midwife to come, but on the way, she got stuck in big traffic.
Consequently, I just played with my toddler and always went to my room to dance and breathe my strong waves through, and to open up.
When she finally arrived at around 6:30 pm, she checked me and said I was at 4cm. That hit me and tears flowed out of my eyes… She held me… I was afraid that the whole process would last again forever, as it happened with my first daughter, where I was stuck for hours and hours at this 4cm.
Suddenly it all went fast — maybe because of the “letting go — cry”
I don’t know if it was that “letting go — cry”, or if she checked me wrong, but really only a few minutes later, after she thought of preparing a bathtub for me, she said, “let’s go to the hospital right now”. I was confused and at the same time so full of energy. I told her to wait a few minutes, that my toddler was about to fall asleep with her dad, but she said that great-grandma can handle that. Let’s go! I almost had to laugh because I couldn’t fully understand, and I remember that I insisted on bringing the baby seat (gratefully because there were the blankets!) although they all just wanted me to leave right away without anything, just so that we don’t lose any second.
When I finally managed to go down all the stairs, at the parking lot, there was no way for me to go into our car, and we also didn’t know if it was better for me to go in our car, or if I should go with the midwife in her car. So I just said, “let’s call an ambulance”, and went right into the next wave. “The best ideas always come from the delivering moms”, my midwife said.
Let’s go inside because otherwise, you might have your baby at the parking lot
My body just moved me down to the floor, I needed to be in a deep squad. She told me to move into the staircase, but gratefully we could even go into my landlady’s living room because she is also a good friend of the family, and she wasn’t there at that time.
As soon as we were inside, I felt like I was gonna break apart, and then I had a huge relief — my water broke, and that was, “wow”…. At my first birth, I didn’t really feel my water break because I was in the water at that moment.
I hardly made it out of my maternity pants, and then I just got stuck in a high squad with my hands rooted on my thigs. My partner held me as good as he could, — the midwife asked him if he was really holding me, or rather holding “onto” me ;).
My grandma went up and down with hot water bowls and whatever the midwife asked for. My grandpa entered the door and needed some time to realize what was actually going on here.
The ambulance was outside, but I didn’t want them to get in and take me to the hospital, nor did I want them to leave. I was having my baby now! I guess that knowing that the ambulance was outside ready for whatever, helped me to feel safe.
2 pushes and I had my girl in my arms
The midwife quickly spread the towels and blankets I had put on the baby seat for any case. Then, she took her last pair of sterile gloves and said, “let her out! I’ll catch her”. Know I know why midwives are also called “baby catchers”.
And there she was! So small (normal but I had my toddler in my head, so she seemed extremely small of course)! So like her dad! So pure and beautiful… We were all stunned, happy and grateful. The postpartum was easy, and then she had to check me for injuries in order to be able to tell the ambulance that they could now leave, that everything was fine. It was so incredible, I had my healthy and beautiful baby in my arms, and that without having to go to the hospital, and go through all the procedures there.
I’m so glad we had such a professional and spontaneous midwife
It was quite cold down there, so we went up with my girl who still was connected to the umbilical cord. Then the midwife asked my grandma to boil out a pair of scissors and a piece of thread so that she could cut and seal the umbilical cord end. Did I already mention that the midwife did not have her birth case with her? Well, she did not! That is because she only takes it when she does a planned homebirth. I guess from now on, she will also bring it when she just goes to check a soon-to-deliver mom.
I couldn’t stop smiling, it all was just so amazing. Laying there in my own bed, with my newborn having his first feed on my breast, just minutes after she was born. My first baby also had her first feed right away after being born, but not yet in my bed, I still had to get us both dressed, put her into the car seat, etc.
My toddler, the new bis sister, was so cute and proud, and also overwhelmed, that the midwife suggested my partner and my big girl should go outside for a walk in the stroller so that they could catch some fresh air, and so that she could fall asleep easily.
We couldn’t really sleep, we had to laugh too much
We were so full of energy, and we really had to digest this even funny surprising birth we just had. It was so different than the first one, in every way. Both births have their magic of course, but this second one was just so unexpectedly easy, and even fun, that I felt like I could have many more babies then! I won’t, but I can really recommend everyone to have a homebirth. Although I have to say that it could have been very different if I would have planned the homebirth. That might have been more beautiful and harmonic in some ways, but maybe also presenting more fears or something. I don’t know… So my final word would be if you are about to deliver, and you really don’t want to get into the car, just call your midwife if you have one, or just another person who you think could just be there for whatever, and stay at home!
How about your births? How different did you experience your first, second, third, …tenth childbirth?
