Childcare and Work Issues: help for the early years of parenthood. part 2
In your first year of parenthood, you may find yourself in a continuous struggle to work out how to care for your children. I’m not talking about how to feed infants or how to potty-train. That’s a different topic. I’m talking about how to arrange adult care of young kids.
There is no longer a “right” formula for how to do this. Nor is there any consensus of what’s “best” for the kids. Nor are there standard easily accessed family services to tap into. So, this becomes one more thing you have to figure out on your own.
1. Will mom or dad stay home with the kids? For one year? Three years? Until they are in middle school?
2. Are there grandparents who can help? Do you want them to help?
3. Perhaps both parents will go back to work fulltime. Can you find a nanny you trust?
4. Will you send your kids to an in-home daycare or a center?
5. Can you afford to have two kids in daycare at the same time?
6. How do you find the daycare? (Look for recommendations from local mother’s clubs, city/county listings, word of mouth, playground referrals.)
7. How will you keep a stay-at-home-parent (SAHP) sane?
8. Will they get any child-free time?
9. Will you pay a nanny for a few hours per week to get the SAHP a break?
10. Can you find and retain a part-time nanny or will you lose them to a fulltime job offer?
11. Are your kids doing okay in their childcare?
All of these questions and more will come back again and again during your child’s early years. They are quite challenging, and require a huge investment of time and energy.
Pay attention to this next bit, Daddy-o. As a co-professional parent, modern moms may expect you to pro-actively participate in researching and investigating childcare. Failure to “own” this parenting task may result in deeply harbored resentment from Mommy-o. You must discuss this together.
Once you do have childcare set up, you may find it isn’t actually working! Sigh. It can be exhausting and frustrating.
It’s very important to remember that what you, your kids, and your partner need in life will change over time. Whatever you set up now isn’t written in stone. You can change how you set up your life. Then, you can change it again.
You may find yourself restructuring your family life several times over in the early years of parenthood. If it’s not working, don’t be afraid to change it. There is no “right” formula. You may find that what you thought would work just doesn’t.
I had planned on returning to work between 3 to 6 months after delivery. Unfortunately, I wound up with severe postpartum carpal tunnel syndrome, and ultimately with surgical repair on both wrists. As a result, I didn’t get back to any kind of outside work until the kids were a year old.
During that first year of work, I changed jobs three times before I found something stable with workable hours.
Part way through, our wonderful nanny had to leave, so we tried to find a new one. After extensive searching we had to let go three subpar nannies. We then gave up on that plan and spent weeks researching childcare options.
Eventually, we found a great daycare. Perhaps your first few years of parenthood will have a more straightforward trajectory. But chances are good that you and your partner will find yourself juggling the unexpected and veering wildly off plan.
This is to be expected. Open your mind to the new possibilities and go with the flow.
Kathleen Cawley is a physician assistant and author. She is a regular guest columnist for the Auburn Journal where she writes on parenting and childhood. Her book, Navigating the Shock of Parenthood: Warty Truths and Modern Practicalities — from a mom with twins, is available in ebook at Barnes & Noble and Amazon. Paperback coming Feb. 15, 2023.
