How Being a Parent Changes You
Positively, negatively and somewhere in-between.
At the time of this article being published, I’ve been a parent for a whole 17-months which qualifies me as a parenting expert according to This is Not True Magazine. To be frank (don’t be Frank, be Justin — DAD JOKES), I don’t think a parenting expert exists, nor will it ever. But, in my brief yet ever-evolving new role I've learned that being a parent changes you forever: for the better, for worse and somewhere in-between.
LET’S START WITH THE BAD
Say goodbye to your social life.
Get used to sending this text: “Dude, I’m sorry. I can’t.” Although, if you’re like me, you didn’t have a social life to begin with so this may not even apply. But, if you did have a social life you can kiss it goodbye — at least for the first few months.
It’s not about you anymore.
You can’t be a selfish person and be a parent. This isn’t a Tomagotchi we’re playing with here. You’re in charge of another human life and you can’t just do whatever you want when you want (see above re: social life). This is high stakes and their needs go before yours.
They’re fucking expensive.
This one is obvious, but the list of expenses is long and exhausting: diapers, crib, clothes, formula (if you go that route), stroller, child care (WHICH IS HIGHWAY ROBBERY) and way too many more I don’t want to list because I don’t want to think about it.
Millennial-minded pro-tip: honestly, just buy the more expensive stuff — they make the task easier and are always more durable.
THE IN-BETWEEN (these sometimes suck, but you get used to it eventually so you don’t mind)
The grind never stops.
This job is 24/7, 365 for the rest of your life. There is no vacation time, no sick days, no holidays and no personal time off. You’re a parent when you sleep and you’ll be a parent when your child is 40.
Everything takes 100x longer than it used to.
Before kids, you just had to get yourself ready to go out the door. Now you have to get your kid dressed, pack the stroller, pack the diaper bag, pack the snacks, pack, PACK, PACK. Then they will poop right as you‘re ready to leave.
Their shit is everywhere.
Literally and figuratively. You will be swimming in crusted food, jamming your toes on toys and you’ll get around to using that vacuum eventually. Your definition of “clean” has changed forever.
THE ABSOLUTE BEST
You will never love anything more.
You’ll reach a whole new level of love that you didn’t even know was possible. You will constantly say to yourself, “I can’t believe we made that,” even though sometimes you’ll say “I can’t believe we made THAT.”
You whole perspective on life changes.
All you care about now is your child and your immediate family. Those little things that used to bug you won’t anymore, because they just don’t matter.
Watching them grow and develop is amazing.
This part has been so much fun. To think that a year ago my daughter couldn’t hold her head up and now she’s walking (running) and has started talking (scary) is absolutely astounding. Oh and the smiles and giggles —they’re just the fucking best.
What did I get right or wrong? Let me know!
