How to Survive Nights With a Newborn
A survival guide to avoiding new Mom burnout.
You leave the hospital. Nervous. Scared. No instruction manual. You hear the horror stories of sleepless nights, endless poopy diapers, and spit up on everything, but you’re hopeful that it won’t happen to you. You think that since you are a good sleeper, that your baby should be too, right? Well, the answer is probably not. Most likely a full night’s rest is nowhere in sight.
For months, my son was a terrible sleeper. He would usually be up every one to two hours, but on a lucky night, I would get a 3–4 hour stretch. I began to learn to live with no sleep. Your body starts to learn to function on little sleep, until that day when you crash. I hit it hard and know so many others who did the same. The goal here is to not let yourself get to that point. The point I am referring to is where you feel like you can’t function, you’re over-exhausted and feeling sick because of it, and your overall happiness and well-being are compromised. I learned this lesson too late, but hopefully, for you, it won’t come to this.
Ask for Help
My son is breastfed, so I was responsible for the nighttime feeds, but I also took on the diaper changing and putting the baby back to sleep. My husband would lay sleeping next to me as I was struggling to stay awake to complete all of these tasks. After a few weeks, I started to get resentful because he woke up fully rested and I was struggling to keep my eyes open during the day. After realizing this isn’t normal, and he should be helping more (it’s his child too), we decided to work out a solution.
My husband would get up with our son and change his diaper, then I would feed him, and if he struggled to go back to sleep, my husband would then rock him. It gave me a short break and an opportunity for my husband to be more involved. We continued this routine up until recently when my son began sleeping through the night.
Next, I had to ask for help during the day. When my husband was at work, I started asking available family members for help during the day. It would give me a break to take a nap or get some housework done. It was a struggle to get anything done during the days I was home alone with him, so it was nice to be able to throw in a load of laundry or start the dishwasher. Even just a small luxury of eating with both hands was greatly appreciated. I learned that people want to help you when you have a new baby, and they want to of course spend time with the baby. It is okay to ask for help or for a baby-less nap.
Put the Baby Down
This is a topic I still struggle with. I love cuddling with my baby all the time, so it’s hard for me to put him down awake or asleep. First, let’s talk awake.
I did utilize baby chairs such as the Mamaroo when my son was a newborn to shower or make something to eat, but that was it. If I was sitting and watching tv, doing housework, or making food, he was in my arms. I learned eventually that it is okay to put your baby down. They may cry a little, but it’s okay for you to get a minute to get something done or to have a minute to take a breath. I cannot stand hearing my baby cry, so it has always been hard for me to put him down. If they are fed, have a clean diaper, and are safe, then they will be okay in a chair (supervised of course) for a few minutes.
Now, the hardest one that I still struggle with, is that it is okay to put the baby down for a nap. My son always loved to take a nap on someone, and it was always a hassle to put him anywhere. I wish I listened to this advice more when he was a newborn because it is still a problem for us. I love nothing more than having my baby sleep on my chest or in my arms. It truly is the greatest feeling, but adjusting the baby to a different sleep environment, such as a crib or baby swing, is important.
The advice I was given, which I did not listen to, was that it is okay for your newborn to nap in your arms, but try to put them down for at least one nap a day. In hindsight, I would have gotten more sleep and would have gotten more done if I listened to this.
Nap When Your Baby Naps
This is a piece of advice that you hear constantly, but no one ever listens to enough. Newborns sleep a lot, with their wake windows typically being only 30–45 minutes in the beginning. Take advantage of all these naps with a little nap yourself. Put your baby down and then take a nap at the same time. Even a short 15–20 minute nap will leave you feeling a little more rested.
These tips are what I wish I would have known or listened to when my son was a newborn. I wish I would have asked for help more often and taken advantage of the naps when I could have. I had gotten myself to the point where I was scared of how tired I was. It is not healthy for you or your baby if you get to that severe point of exhaustion.
One quote I will never now forget and hope you take with you is that “you cannot take care of others unless you take care of yourself first.”
