How To Teach Consent To A 2 Year Old
As soon as the word ‘consent’ is used, we automatically assume it must be about intimacy. I think that is where the problem lies.
Consent is an agreement given verbally or by a gesture or a nod that signifies one’s agreement with the other party.
Too often, a child’s need for consent is overlooked owing to his innocence. Even so, here is the deal: children that grow up in an environment where adults just impose what they would like the child to do without explaining the child why it is necessary to do so; use force or punishment instead of reasoning, are likely to become adults that impose their desires just the same way on someone else, regardless of whether the other party has chosen to accept or not. Such kids get in a lot of trouble when they follow this mantra as teens.
Parents of such offenders are responsible for their child’s misdeeds. These kids did not seek consent because the idea of consent is foreign to them. For someone whose parents always took the my-way-or-the-highway approach, using force on others is their only approach too. The idea of consent has never occurred because it was never experienced.
Coming on to the topic, 2 years is a great age to start learning. You’ll find your baby trying to mouth the words just like you or at least attempt to mumble something meaningful.
One of the first words I taught my baby was, Yes and No. Anything he was unwilling to try, I would explain to him why it is necessary to do so and how it could be fun if we did it. For example, bathing. Too many babies are afraid of bath time. In such a scenario, I have 2 options.
1. Grabbing a few toys, taking them to the bath tub, showing them having fun in the water is convincing enough for the toddler to come join them even if reluctantly so.
2. I could just yell at him that he is supposed to have a bath because I said so, that’s it. No reasoning. Grab a protesting toddler by the arm because I think baths are better for him and he doesn’t know any better when he protests.
I always choose the first option and explain to him how and why it’s important to do a certain thing. I finish my explanation with an important question.
“So, are you willing to do this, yes or no?”
If he says yes then we sail smoothly, but if he says no, I would delay that activity for the next day.
You see, it is an important activity of trust-building. Once he realizes that mama listens to me as soon as I say no, he doesn’t feel the need to scream or sound crazy to make me have his way.
He learns the power of his own consent and how even though we will repeatedly try to talk to him to convince him why so and so act is important, we will back off when he says no and try again the next day.
Children are impressionable humans, they simply mirror the emotions that the adults show. So if you seem reasonable to him, he starts to get reasonable with you too. Once he gets past the trust building phase with you, you’ll see him use his “Yes” and “No” so much more wisely, it’ll startle you.
It is absolutely amazing to discover the decision making potential of a 2 year old. How many times they take the right decision will astonish you especially when you were sure he would say no, but he said yes after hearing your reasonable explanation. You are preparing him to face the outer world while teaching him to weigh the pros and cons while taking a decision that serves him well.
Your job as a parent is to teach him what is good for him and be around to catch him if you see him fall in life but to force your way on your child without his consent amounts to a monstrous approach that could give rise to a monster of a person. In such a case, the blame could be on the parents too who set him up for failure with the “because-I-said-so” approach.
