It’s Okay For Girls To Be Angry, And For Boys To Be Sad
Telling our children their emotions are gender based is harmful.
One of the most vivid memories I have from childhood centers on emotions. My brother was angry often, and my mother always chalked it up to him simply being male. However, if I dared show anger about anything, I was told it wasn’t ladylike. Similarly, if he showed anything resembling weakness in her eyes, i.e. crying, he was told to stop acting like a girl and suck it up.
What it taught me was to choke down my anger, no matter how righteous. And him, to swallow his tears no matter the pain.
As parents, we often seek to mollify, quell — even extinguish — our children’s anger. Life is busy, we’re moving fast. Anger slows us down. It stresses us out. But the disruptive quality of anger is exactly what makes it a powerful agent for social change.
There is little difference in how boys and girls experience and express emotions, but there is a substantial difference in how we respond. We reward girls for being pleasant, agreeable, and helpful. By preschool, children believe it is normal for boys to be angry, but not girls.
We are so busy teaching girls to be likable that we forget to teach them they have the right to be respected. And the effects of…
