Morphing into Motherhood | The 3 Major Shifts
Many mothers experience an Identity Shift, Body Shift and Relationship Shift.
“Postpartum depression won’t happen to me” a conversation I had in my mind often while pregnant. I was the most peaceful and resilient I had ever been in my life, growing a human gave me this superwoman mentality, and I expected it to continue that way after birth.
Although my doctor didn’t officially diagnose me, for about a year post-baby, I struggled with mild anxiety and depression. Looking back, I firmly believe I had a tough time transitioning into my new role because I didn’t expect or prepare to feel these massive internal shifts.
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My spiritual awakening began in those first few precious weeks of tending to my newborn. For the first time in my life, my world revolved around another being, and it was no longer all about me. This period can be especially rocky for mamas as our infants tend to rely more heavily on us. You learn to be incredibly selfless; you meet your baby’s needs before yours.
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During this transition, I uncovered three major shifts in that first year of motherhood; The Identity Shift, the Body Shift and the Relationship Shift.
Let’s talk about WHAT REALLY happens when you become a mama!
Identity Shift
As a new mama, you may experience an identity crisis as you no longer relate to your old life but haven’t yet figured who you are in your new role; mother. You might find yourself asking who am I now? Your priorities and pace of life begin to change. Over time you get to rebuild your identity and decide what kind of person you want to be moving forward.
Tip #1 — Journal about your journey into motherhood. What are you feeling? What’s working and what’s not working? Who do you want to be?
Grief is 100% normal as you shed old identities and ways of being in the world. Make sure to give yourself space and time to work through these emotions and feelings. All your previous roles get rocked while becoming a mother. Your focus and attention are on raising your baby. It’s ok to miss these old parts on your life.
You are letting go of an old version of you as you start to build upon the person you want to be. Many things come up for evaluation, like your work, how you spend your time, your parenting style & so much more. You find yourself on unsolid ground, mixed in with major hormones, sleepless nights and the everyday stress of life it can feel like you are undergoing an identity crisis.
Tip #2 — Remind yourself that this is a season in your life, that you will be able to incorporate other parts back into your life when you are ready and if it is still a priority for you in the future.
Maybe you are the first woman pregnant at work, in your family, or your friend group? It might be hard to connect with other mothers or find supportive people who understand what you are going through. At times you might feel isolated, lonely, and misunderstood.
Tip #3 — Join a mom group! Motherhood is not an isolated journey. It takes a village, a tribe, a community or a support system to help you stay empowered along the way. You will feel comforted hearing that other moms have had similar experiences as you. Remember that every mom and child are different, and you will have your own unique experience.
Doubt, comparison and feelings of being a failure can creep in almost daily. So often I see mamas who want to get it right and get it right the first time. Many women put unhealthy pressure on themselves to get everything done and perfect. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I learned to surrender to the mess of my home and to be proud that I took care of my baby and myself that day. Overtime I reframed negative self-talk and became my own biggest cheerleader.
Tip #4 — Say the mantra “I am everything my child needs.” Drop your unrealistic expectations of how you think motherhood “should” go and give yourself grace when life isn’t as smooth as you’d like it to be.
Body Shift
The pace of your life drastically changes once you bring your child home. Self-care and listening to your body’s needs might end up on the bottom of your to-do list.
Tip # 1 — Tune in to what your body needs and ask yourself daily what you, your body and your baby need. Whether you need rest, self-care, someone to talk to, exercise or time alone with your partner, it’s essential to take time to listen and nurture your body to avoid burnout and overwhelm.
Your body might feel like a foreigner to you as you experience new sensations and ways your body works post-baby. Gaining weight is natural and necessary to feed your baby. The pressure to “bounce back” is BS! You didn’t go anywhere, mama, love and honor your body for creating life.
Tip #2 — Remind yourself it took 9-months to grow and create life. It will take longer than 9-months to feel somewhat back to “normal.” Take your time, allow your body to heal and celebrate how beautiful you truly are mama!
It can be challenging to find time to move your body, get a work out in or meditate to tune into your body. You might be confused about when to start, what to start and where to start!?
Tip #3 — Find opportunities to move where it makes the most sense for your new schedule. Some ideas are;
- Neck stretches while nursing or bottle-feeding
- Glute bridge during tummy time
- Dog walk with the family
- Breathwork while holding the baby
- Meditation while in the bathtub
- Squats and lunges with the stroller
- Planks on the playmat
Postpartum is forever, and recovery is temporary! Most postpartum systems can last for 6+ months. Some symptoms include hair loss, hormones balancing out, milk supply dropping and getting your first period. Find your new health + wellness groove by making sure you aim for 10–45 minutes of “movement” a day.
Tip #4 — Rest, prioritize and celebrate! Know when to rest, when to pull back, when to prioritize yourself, and when to celebrate the small wins.
- Eat intuitively
- Rest
- Movement matters, think 10 minutes
- Your body created human life, celebrate it.
Relationship Shift
It’s no longer you and your partner; you now have a little life force needing all your attention. As new parents, it can feel like you are living life on autopilot. You may experience lots of repetition, every day blends into the next, communication fades as you typically talk about the kids, forget to take care of yourself and your marriage.
Tip #1 — What are your expectations of yourself and your partner once the baby arrives? Identify these with your partner so you can prevent disappointment and encourage clear communication.
Quality time as a couple gets de-prioritized. You may experience little to no energy, so you wait until the next day, you might end up spending more time alone, and your connection might start to fade.
Tip #2 — Rethink dating, you will have less time, energy and your schedule becomes less predictable. Ask yourself and your partner what you each enjoy doing most on dates? Create a list of things you can do together in different time increments such as 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 60 minutes, or a couple of hours.
Resentment can start to build. You may feel overwhelmed or like you don’t get the support you need. Snapping at each becomes more common. It can be hard to communicate your needs and desires clearly.
Tip # 3 — Communication is your lifeline. Ask for what you need; your partner isn’t a mind reader. If something is bothering, take some time to reflect, process and then talk about it.
Less sex! Mamas feel touched out. You are constantly feeding your baby, who also crawls on and over you all day long which can leave you feeling physically exhausted. With a change in your hormones, you might experience a lower sex drive. Changes to your body can leave you feeling less attractive.
Tip #4 — Get clear about your desires and boundaries! If you need a buffer of 30 to 60 minutes of solo time doing something for yourself to get you in a better headspace, communicate that to your partner.
Every single mother will go through her own unique experience into motherhood. The best way to navigate the transition is to tune in to yourself mama, set boundaries, communicate and trust yourself. Do what feels best for you and your family. You are tough as a mother!
