Nurturing Manners and Empathy
Teaching a child to be considerate, mindful, and polite is our job as parents
Teaching a child to be considerate, mindful, and polite is our job. Let’s not leave it up to teachers, grandparents, or babysitters, because teaching our kids how to behave and communicate is something that should come from us. We, as parents, are our kids’ first and most important role models.
My nephew is a little over 2 years old and he took me back to the time when my daughters were in those, for me, impossible years. That’s the period when they begin talking and start asking, quite loudly, for what they want. It’s also the time when they test the limits of our patience.
It’s the time when kids don’t accept things just because they make sense, but rather because of endless repetition, which creates a kind of reflex in them. Like when we teach them to go potty and say please and thank you. I remember saying thank you and please instead of my daughters, but eventually they adopted these magical words and started applying them.
When they were toddlers, I had to be patient and teach my kids not to demand (because toddlers do), but to ask politely. I wanted them to know that they’ll accomplish much more if they act calmly and with kindness, rather than with anger and drama.
I admit that this approach didn’t always work with my children. They knew how to be both angry and dramatic. Those are the years that require epic patience, which is sometimes elusive because parents are human too.
As my kids grew up, I expanded my list of expectations when it came to good behavior, awareness of others and empathy. I always insisted that my daughters said hello and goodbye to the neighbors in the elevator. I remember they asked me once, “Mom, why are we doing this when they don’t say anything back?”.
This then required a new conversation: not everyone is always in a good mood, sometimes they are dealing with problems and don’t want to talk, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be polite.
It’s perhaps an introduction to the topic that there are many children who don’t have lives like theirs, who are poor, hungry and scared; kids who would like to say hi to their neighbors and have someone be kind to them. Our children may not be aware of this if we don’t tell them.
Empathy is so important, and I wanted to encourage it in my kids. But I realized that empathy comes naturally to them, I only had to nurture it. They got attached to every abandoned kitten or dog. They fed them regularly, spent all their pocket money to buy them food, had plastic bowls ready to give them milk or water, made me take the sick ones to the vet and cried inconsolably for every run over animal they saw on the road.
This led to one of my daughters not eating meat now, out of pure conviction, because she doesn’t want to contribute to the killing of any animal. And I totally respect her principles.
My kids are teenagers now and teenagers are often snappy, and although they can sometimes be a little rude to me, they will never behave like that towards their grandmother or someone they don’t know. And that’s what I meant by manners being our job as parents.
By: Mother Doesn’t Know Best
