Protecting Our Children’s Mental Health in a Time of Chaos
How making small adjustments in the home can help our children deal with the current crisis.
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It feels like the mornings have finally found a rhythm.
We’re about one week into this modified lifestyle of being home together as a family. With all that’s happening in the world, we find stability in one another. We’re so lucky that we’re close.
For me, each day starts in our family’s home studio; this is the guest-room that we converted into a workspace for times when I need to work remotely. For the first few hours of the morning, I’m cooped up in the studio — I won’t come out until I hear the commotion in the living room that indicates everyone in the house is awake.
Lately, we’ve been letting the boys sleep a little longer. We encourage their bodies to naturally rise with the day because, in our view, the harmony between self and nature is crucial right now. At the same time, this gives my wife more time to rest before she wakes up to put her superpowers to use.
To keep noise at a minimum, I wait until everyone’s up before I make coffee; even the slightest sound in the kitchen will awaken the dog.
A few days ago, just as I was finishing a meeting, I heard laughter and voices down the hall. Perfect timing. I came out of the studio to greet them — kissed the boys on their forehead, said hello to the pup, then joined my wife in the kitchen.
“How are you?”, I asked.
With her voice at half-whisper, she told me that our younger son woke up in the middle of the night feeling restless.
“He said he couldn’t sleep and he didn’t know why”, she explained as I reached for my mug.
10 oz… strong… brew.
I glanced over at him hanging out on the couch as she continued with her story. Then I looked at our older son, sitting at the dining table, writing his list for the day.
Your brew is complete. Enjoy.
She said it took a while to comfort him back to sleep. She reassured him that everything would be alright and that he should relax his brain and get more rest. We looked at each other for a second, and I could immediately tell she knew what I was thinking.
He had anxiety.
The energy in the home
Consider for a moment, the long-lasting emotional effects this pandemic can potentially have on our children. They say it can last for years, which I didn’t think about until I started to read more into it.
Unfortunately, our children’s mental health can get overshadowed as we, the grown-ups in the house, are preoccupied with figuring out the logistics of adapting to this new normal.
It’s a good time to admit that for the past few weeks, I’ve been living in fear. In my mind, fearing the pandemic meant you’d be cautious — it meant that you respected the gravity of the continuous outbreak, which would (in theory) cause you to be more careful as you navigate the chaos. Appropriately, I looked for others to be scared, too, because it validated my concerns.
Because of this fear, I felt like I needed to know everything so that we wouldn’t be caught off-guard. At home, we’ve been glued to the news and social media, hoping to stay current with up-to-the-minute information. It felt like knowing the latest data or the newest headline would only help us be more prepared.
But we were wrong — because that wasn’t the only thing happening.
After learning that our son couldn’t sleep, we realized that our fears were being transferred down to our children. This had to stop. We also realized that we needed to be more mindful of how we handled this situation.
Being mindful of the balance
That evening, after I finished my work for the day and logged off, my wife and I continued our talk.
“I think we should stop watching the news…”, she suggested.
“I think so too.”
“At least not watch it out there”, she said, hinting at our living room TV.
“Yeah, I agree.”
As grown-ups, sometimes we forget how sensitive our kids can be. Sometimes we forget they’re like sponges that constantly absorb all the information in their environment. And because they’re so perceptive and observant, they often pick up on signals and vibes around them, even when they don’t intend to.
There’s a balance to strike between staying informed and protecting our families from becoming overwhelmed. That balance doesn’t manifest on its own, it’s something we have to create and monitor over time.
We agreed to do a better job of protecting their mental health — the last thing we wanted was for our boys to inherit anxiety and stress. We reminded each other that while we can’t control what’s going on outside of our home, we can still make slight adjustments to create more balance inside our home.
Slight adjustments
We spent some time thinking of how to re-establish this balance. And while we continue to learn and adapt ourselves daily, these are some takeaways that felt easiest to implement.
1) Limiting the news
Safeguarding young children from the news is important because of how it might affect them emotionally. When I first heard that our son couldn’t sleep, I immediately thought about that. So, we stopped watching the local and national news on our family television and agreed to use our phones instead.
As an alternative, we started using our TV to stream classical music on Spotify. The beauty and intelligence of classical music now fill our living room space, and the energy has completely shifted for the better.
What works for us
- change the channel to something more family-friendly or turn the TV off
- let music fill the home by playing instruments or listening to playlists
- schedule in-home movie dates with your children
- be cognizant of how you verbally communicate the news to other adults
2) Getting more fresh air
The second change was to get more fresh air. When we thought about this, it reminded me of how being in nature can help our bodies achieve a balanced state. So although we won’t be visiting our favorite playscapes any time soon, we at least have the option of stepping outside and getting a bit of sunshine.
For us, this meant bikes, scooters, walks with the dog or letting the kids explore the natural surroundings of the front yard.
What works for us
- spend more time outside, together as a family (include the dog)
- encourage the kids to do some nature journaling in the yard
- on rainy days, open the window to feel the breeze and hear the sound of rain
3) Finding small wins
With so much negativity going on, we needed to be more proactive at finding things to be excited about. In our home, we decided to be more aware of recognizing moments that called for a celebration.
For those of us who work from home, this can be a challenge because our minds are so focused on “productivity”. Still, we owe it to our children to be present enough to honor everything they want to share, especially when they’re self-directed and passionate about something they’ve accomplished.
What works for us
- look for moments when your child has something to share (it starts with awareness)
- step away from your work to give them your complete attention
- surprise them by playing this sound clip of a crowd cheering
- allow yourself to be fascinated by your children’s genius-ness
4) Honoring their personal freedom
One of the most compelling concepts we’ve recently learned is how personal freedom is yours to create and fully own. This empowering idea is something that we’ve been trying to teach to our children, and there’s never been a more appropriate time than now.
Since being restricted from the normalcies of the outside world, we’ve witnessed our boys engaging in activities that preserve some sense of freedom. For our older son, he’s been doing a lot of art lately, providing him with the freedom of expression and choice. And for the younger one, he’s diving deeper than ever into Minecraft, which allows him the freedom to explore and create his own world.
With so many lockdowns around the world, it’s important to remember our freedom. Yes #stayathome, but also, #feelfree.
What works for us
- relax on some of the house rules if they cause stress
- let the kids plan their days, balancing homeschool with downtime and alone time
- encourage open-ended materials and creative play
The noticeable differences
It’s been five days since making these adjustments and I can’t emphasize enough how much this has made a world of difference in our lives.
I’m happy to report that our stress levels have drastically dropped. We’ve also seen the energy in our home settle on the positive side, the family’s mood feels lighter, and most importantly, the kids are sleeping well through the night.
When they look back
None of us know, for sure, how long this pandemic will last. It’s difficult to forecast the long-term effects of what COVID-19’s done to our futures. What we do know is that our babies feed off of our emotional state.
Years from now, this will all be a distant memory for them. Still, today’s global health crisis will most-likely leave an impression on our children’s personal, historical timelines. Many of them will remember this.
We should reflect on the example that we’re setting for our kids. What subtleties are they picking up on from our approach to crisis management? And how are we influencing them through our thoughts, behaviors, and reactions during difficult situations?
When they look back, how will our children remember these times?
Our children need us more than ever. They need our guidance and leadership, they need connection and compassion, and they need us to be emotionally and mentally strong for their well-being.
There are still many challenges in the days to come. As parents, let’s recognize these upcoming challenges as teaching moments and opportunities to get it right. Let’s pay attention to how our children are coping and processing their feelings during these times.
Lastly, please know that I’m not a child-development or mental health expert by any stretch of the definition — none of this is “professional medical advice”. I am, however, a husband and a father, so I offer this story in hopes of helping other parents out there.
Wishing you health, safety, and togetherness… from our family to yours.
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If you enjoyed this story, please consider subscribing to the Fresh Moon Newsletter. In the next issue, I’ll be sharing my views on Working From Homeschool and the need for Unofficial Leadership in a time of crisis.
Randy Tolentino brings a fresh perspective and unique literary voice to the intersection of family culture, emotional intelligence, and personal development. He’s a software developer by day, designer by night, and writer by 3:30 AM. He resides in the greater ATX area with his beautiful family and their lovely Husky.
