Teaching Compassion, Practicing Compassion
I’ve found wisdom in all kinds of places. One day, many years ago, I picked up a book by the Dalai Lama. What I remember from the book was the encouragement to “practice compassion in everyday life.” He felt this was particularly important for western cultures where we are so often disconnected from our community. Over the years I’ve found that his advice comes back to me again and again. It is a powerful tool in life and in parenting.
One of the most valuable things we can teach our children is how to live our life with compassion. Nothing enriches us more, nothing brings us more hope, nothing brings us more human connection than the daily practice of compassion.
At the core of compassion is empathy, and the restraint of judgement.
We teach children empathy when we ask them how they think another child might feel. “That little boy’s toy just broke. How do you think he might be feeling right now?” “You shared your toy with the girl. How do you think she might have felt when you shared?” Little by little your child then learns about emotions. They also flex their empathy muscle each time they imagine how another person might feel.
We can also help our children refrain from judgement by teaching a technique called “reframing.”
This involves stepping back from a situation and looking at it from another perspective. So, “I hate potatoes,” is reframed by a parent as “Today you don’t like potatoes made this way.”
The change in language opens the door to another experience. With relationships reframing can look like this, “I hate Tony. He took my toy.” becomes “Tony hurt your feelings today when he took your toy. I wonder if he had a bad day?”
In this way reframing helps your child find a possibly more positive interpretation of events and people.
It is the nature of western culture that we have become more and more distanced from our village. This can lead to loneliness, apathy, and even fear of others.
The antidote to this is viewing the world and people through a lens of human compassion. That compassion generates a feeling of understanding between people. This leads to feelings of connection that are vital to our sense of wellbeing and purpose in life.
Teaching empathy, reframing, and compassion to your children may be the best insurance you can give them against the trials of life.
I encourage you to practice compassion in everyday life. Practice compassion towards your children, and their struggles as they journey through this world and grow towards adulthood.
Practice compassion for your spouse. For family members. For yourself. For other parents. Practice compassion for strangers in this community of our world. Practice it. In everyday life.
P.S. For more on teaching empathy and reframing to kids look for “The Danish Way of Parenting” by Alexander and Sandahal.
Kathleen Cawley is a physician assistant and author. She is a regular guest columnist for the Auburn Journal where she writes on parenting and childhood. Her book, Navigating the Shock of Parenthood: Warty Truths and Modern Practicalities — from a mom with twins, is available in ebook on amazon. Paperback available Feb. 15th, 2022.
