The Identity Shift of Motherhood
Cue Christina Aguilera “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?”
Staring at my reflection post-baby, I felt like a foreigner standing at a desolate bus stop where none of the signs were in English. How the hell was I supposed to find my way through Motherhood without a map or a tour guide? Feeling a little duped like I had signed up for a blissful & joyful European trip; to instead find myself completely lost, lonely, & depleted!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
NO ONE told me I’d be going through an adult version of adolescence!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Matrescence is the term which describes a developmental transition into Motherhood that is hormonal, physical & emotional. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The difference? Everyone understands that adolescence is an awkward phase that we all go through. But during matrescence, people expect you to be happy while you’re simultaneously losing control over the way you look & feel.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Motherhood is generally described in two spectrums: baby bliss or post-baby blues. Rarely do we hear women talk about the wild ride that is Motherhood. One minute you feel confident and joyful the next you could feel lost, confused and drained. Often you feel both at the same time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In my opinion, the most challenging part of Motherhood is not learning to take care of your baby; it’s learning to manage your emotions and work on yourself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Riding the emotional waves into this transition can be HARD! From the very start of pregnancy, your identity begins to crumble with the shifts in your pace of life and priorities. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
A technique that has helped me work through my emotions is Interpersonal Therapy (IPT):⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Name it — What’s bothering you? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Articulate it — Are you losing a part of yourself or your freedom?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Acknowledge + Accept — Everything doesn’t always need to be fixed or solved. Is this something you can control? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Adapt + Plan — A way forward. What can be released? What can be changed or adapted?
Becoming a mother opened a portal to my past wounds. It was like I teleported back in time to the little girl who wasn’t allowed to speak up or express her truth.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I doubted myself.
I compared myself.
I didn’t trust myself.
My numbing mechanism is to stay so busy that I don’t have time to FEEL. I shoved it all deep down & trudged ahead with an overly full schedule. I didn’t want to let go of my old life, to heal or deal with any of it.
I felt like my identity was crumbling before my very eyes.
Finally, I surrendered and said enough is enough; I can not repeat this generational pain pattern.
I already know how this story ends.
I healed that little girl from the inside out by reconnecting to her & letting her know she did the absolute best she could. That she was so;⠀
Brave⠀⠀⠀
Resilient⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Strong
I learned that these were just FEELINGS from my past. I was ACTUALLY safe in the here and now. My past experiences do not define me as a mother.
Every mother will have her own unique experience & go through this transition differently.
For me, it opened up old wounds that needed healing.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Maybe you have felt this way too, mama?
What helped me find my maternal authority was:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- Learning to reframe worries + anxieties.
- Inner child healing.
- Community + support systems.
- Talking about the honest truth of Motherhood.
- Radically loving myself.
After going through the transition into Motherhood with a rather bumpy start but eventually finding my stride, confidence and trust in myself, I decided to help other mamas through this major transformation. I’m now an Identity and Positive Parenting Coach on a mission to empower mamas to live an intentional life they love.
