Work-Life Balance
The Work-Life Boogie
Forget about balance — it’s a dance! (And how shifting your mindset has the power to change your outlook on life.)
I don’t like the term “work-life balance.” Maybe it’s because I’ve spent half my life pursuing this elevated state of being, only to finally realize it’s an El Dorado — a mythical silver bullet that might sometimes be glimpsed but never possessed or retained. When really it promises a solution that few, if any, can ever maintain.
At best, I find it misleading. Worse, it (or at least the pursuit of it) can be outright harmful — the very thing that obstructs and ultimately prevents any sense of well-being and personal fulfillment.
The word “balance” itself has a static quality — as soon as something shifts, the situation (or the person) becomes out of balance. Unbalanced. Therefore, by definition, the term “work-life balance” is tentative at best.
Michelle Obama once famously talked about her experience as a working mother, describing balance as “fragile”:
“You realize that with a blink of an eye, that balance is thrown off.”
So then why is it The Bar we strive for, knowing that it will so easily be toppled, if even or ever achieved?
The phrase itself has changed since its introduction to mainstream vocabulary in the 1980s. What began as a rallying call for the Women’s Liberation Movement (in the UK) to address the responsibilities of working (for pay) women who were also handling the bulk (or all) of the domestic and childrearing responsibilities on the home-front. Today, the term has grown to address stress reduction and prevention of burnout for people of all genders.
Personally, I think it’s a good think that culturally we are striving for a better division of work and other areas of living.
I just don’t like that it promises a static solution to a dynamic issue.
I don’t know about you, but my days are never exactly the same, much less my weeks…months…years. Even amidst a pandemic, when I have joked about its Ground Hog day resemblance, I can’t actually say that one day is the same as another.
For starters, as a human being, my internal landscape varies day to day. As a spouse and parents, my time and expectations are influenced by the people I love and live with. Add a professional life to the mix and the variations become exponentially vast rather quickly.
When you take external factors into consideration (e.g., the economy…what’s happening with schools in the fall…climate and resulting weather extremities…etc.) it becomes a day to day lottery in terms of what to expect.
So even if I magically happen to glimpse an entire waking day of what feels like “balance” (and mind you, it’s going to be different for everyone), it’s just impossible to sustain and hold on to for a matter of days much less months and years.
Which is why I rather think of it as a Work-Life Boogie. For starters, it’s just more fun.
Wouldn’t you rather boogie than balance?
Immediately, it diffuses the tension of this unattainable state of being. Try to balance anything, and the moment you achieve it there is the added stressor of trying to maintain it. Whereas, when you’re dancing, you know every song is going to change and you’re much more likely to enjoy the moment and rock out while give the opportunity, with less concern about the next song being a waltz, a tango, or even a square dance.
So why does this matter?
Simple. It’s all about mindset.
It’s usually when life is most “out of balance” that stress sets in — along with feelings of negativity and resentment. If you are locked in to the idea that your life should be more “balanced,” feelings of negativity will only be compounded by your inability to achieve the desired state while also dealing with the stressful factors that caused or contributed to it.
It’s a double negative.
Studies show that “positive and negative expectations regarding the future are important for understanding the vulnerability to mental disorders, in particular mood and anxiety disorders, as well as to physical illness. A significant positive relation emerges between optimism and coping strategies focused on social support and emphasis on positive aspects of stressful situations.”
Rather, if you think of it as a dance. Times of stress might be thought of as a particular type of dance — think, square dance — where someone else is calling the shots and it’s up to you to respond and keep going. (No offense to you square dancers out there!)
Eventually, the song will change — hopefully to the style of your choice!
Regardless, you’re still dancing.
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