A Letter to You, First-time Dad
From birth to sleepless nights to sickness to doubts to fights and frustration. You deserve some love
A human-being. This small, entirely dependent thing you have been taking care of for the first time. From birth to sleepless nights to sickness to doubts to fights and frustration. There isn’t a job like being a dad where you are given so much responsibility while being only a beginner. And yet, you’ve made it thus far well without hesitating any task. The instincts came alive. The worries about the right position to hold or how to change nappies, for example, went away quickly.
You did not feel instant love (whatever that is) and was surprised and even a bit sad deep inside. I remember that. You were curious to know about what all these people mean by the magical moment, the thing that “only who’s experienced it knows it” — they say. But it seems it didn’t happen as you were expecting. You were happy and relieved that mom and baby were healthy, and labour was over, that now you had a son. But not much beyond that. This frustration can happen especially when we are immersed in social media. We tend to prospect the other person’s life into ours like it’s the only truth. But in reality, we are all different, and there is no right or wrong about how you feel towards your child the first time you see it.
Fortunately, you learned only a couple of hours after birth that no instant love had no significance. The love grew stronger and stronger as you got to know him. As you held him in your arms, changed him, fed him, laughed together. As you took care and cried when he was sick. As he called you dad and ran to hug you for the first time. All these make up the magical moment. It happens every day. It’s continuous.
You cried and panicked the first time you saw your baby vomiting due to a stomach bug. You could barely drive to the hospital. A normal, not serious condition, but that you had no idea. And how could you have? You weren’t ready, and that’s okay. You’ve matured, and the next time you handled it better. In fact, the next three times! Seriously, stomach bugs should be taught in prenatal classes. The public nurse should warn about it. If you’re reading this as a first-time dad and don’t know what it is, don’t overreact. You can see more details here—the chances of getting it to increase when the child goes to daycare and is more exposed.
I’ve read somewhere that you were angry with yourself for losing your temper. While you’re right and need to control your emotions, don’t worry so much. Toddlers are not easy; Sometimes, they can push your limits to the edge. Especially as you are not used to and dealing with it for the first time. They can fight for power and will always win. So it’s not worth it, let them. Be calm and find another way to make them do what you want. Or give up completely and let them decide on their own time. It’s easier said than done, but there isn’t really a choice. Regardless, it seems you’ve already improved since you admitted and wrote about it. This is good.
Take one step at a time and don’t be overly concerned — If he turns up like you, he’s going to be the best dad ever.
This pandemic came to prove even more how a great dad you are. You’ve handled it beautifully. Working one shift, minding your son in the other. Dealing with house chores, more work in the evenings, time with your wife, and even writing on Medium! You are on another level now. You’ve been keeping your cool, wearing masks and protecting everyone in any way you can. While families face serious issues such as domestic violence, pressure and stress due to unemployment, others are more united than ever. Parents who frequently travel for business are now at home, spending more time with their husbands/wives and kids.
You don’t have control over everything. You’re going to educate your son, provide all you learned and know to make him grow into a good person and with a good character. You want him to be more confident and have higher self-esteem than you, but be patient. While you can do a few things to help with that, it’s not an exact logic. Being an example is important, and it’s probably the first move. But still, it’s not guaranteed. Take one step at a time, and don’t be overly concerned — If he turns up like you, he’s going to be the best dad ever.
