Having Twins? Read This 1st!

10 lessons we learned in the 1st year as parents of twins.

My wife and I were talking the other day about everything we had to learn the hard way after our twin boys were born last spring. We had plenty of people giving us advice, books to look at, and websites and blogs to scan; however, there are some things that these sources always seem to forget to tell you.

1. Showers (for parents) are over-rated. (And baths are unheard of!) Don’t plan on taking a shower for the first 3 months. Will it matter? Of course not, because first of all, you’ll be covered with poop, drool, and spit-up the minute you do and second, you’re not going anywhere anyway.

2. It takes 87 minutes to watch a 30 minute show. This number can vary, but not much. The extra time is spent checking on strange noises your little ones are making if they are under 9 months old or checking to see why they aren’t making any noise if they are over 9 months old (this is usually a sign that they are up to no good and are getting into trouble.) If they are under 3 months old and sleeping you shouldn’t be watching T.V, you should be sleeping too!

3. When you have twins their favorite toy will inevitably be the one their sibling has. This is probably true with any kids, not just twins; but, more noticeable with multiples because they are the same age and probably have similar interests….at least for now.

4. Cold food tastes great. Keep telling yourself this over and over. No matter how many times I tried having dinner ready at a certain time, it was always pushed back because of something going on with the boys. Even fast food turns cold quickly when you have to go change a diaper or plug a pacifier back in. You’re going to find times that you are so busy with your double duty that you forget to eat entirely! Sometimes cold food tastes better than none at all.

5. Baby Radar does exist. What is baby radar? Babies and toddlers have the rare ability to scan, triangulate and locate that one piece of carpet fuzz in a 400 square foot room. They will then find a way to get to it, and stick it in their mouth before you can stop them, and there is nothing you can do about it. You can sweep, mop and vacuum hourly, but for as clean as you think your floors are, they will still locate the one piece you missed. The rule is as long as it’s not a choking hazard, it’s considered fiber.
-The next 5 kind of go together.

6. If it smells like Poop, It probably is. You are going to learn quickly the ‘goos’ and ‘grunts’ of your child. Like a backroom poker player, they all have a ‘tell’ in the “poop game” and it’s your job to study your opponent and learn what that cue is. Once you master this it will be the difference between being able to tell if they have a little spot of gas, or are they brewing up something much worse.

7. There is only one time you will need the extra clothes in the diaper bag. It’s when you didn’t bring them. Yes, Murphy wrote most of his laws while he was a new parent. I’ve set an outfit on the washing machine to toss in the boys’ backpack/ diaper bag many times and that’s where it is still sitting as we pull out of the driveway. Another great thing to remember is that your children are growing rapidly, and the 3 month-old onesie you remembered to pack 9 months ago isn’t going to fit them now that they are a year old.

8. Any day can be laundry day. I love listening to the new parents who think that they have it all figured out. “Well, Monday we can vacuum, and Tuesday is laundry day, and we’ll clean the bathrooms on Wednesday and…” It’s a nice thought in theory, but what about when the diaper leaks at naptime and the only reason you’re not crying at the sight before you is because you’re scared to open your mouth and breathe any of the mess into your lungs? I bet you will wash the crib sheets now instead of waiting a week. And the crib. And the mattress.

9. When in doubt- Throw it out. There are times when a piece of clothing or bedding is just too far gone. When you ponder how to stop gagging before you can even think about cleaning it, it’s time to carefully put it in a plastic bag, seal it up, and put it in the trash. Preferably the one in the garage.

10. You are going to talk about poop! You will talk about it. Share stories about it. Pass on helpful hints about it. Some people even start comparing it to other poops and exchanging pictures. You’ll talk about color, consistency, and frequency and you’ll do it without batting an eye. Why? Because you’re a parent, and it’s part of parenthood. You won’t even know you are doing it until it’s too late and your childless friends start excluding you from get-togethers for fear of hearing about Johnny’s diarrhea one more time. What those friends don’t know is that once potty training starts, you’ll actually call them and share the news!

For those of you reading this that have children, I hope It brought back some fond memories and reminded you that the terrible twos may not have been so bad.

For those of you who are expecting your first bundle of joy, Please understand that the first year is such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things and remember what they say- What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!