After School for Cindy Commentary by Melody Brazo
Melody Brazo is a former family liaison for student achievement for Cambridge Public Schools in Massachusetts and is currently an educational consultant.
Note: this commentary was originally published in 2005 by Harvard Family Research Project.
This case illustrates the pitfalls involved in seeing other people in terms of their deficits, rather than their strengths. Because she does not have the money to repair or insure her car, Marla does not have a reliable way to get around the city. It is difficult for her to get to Cindy’s school, difficult to pick up Cindy from after school, difficult to take Cindy to interesting places in the summer. She struggles to hold down a low-paying job while constantly making and remaking childcare arrangements. She is raising a child alone, far away from her family safety net. Through all of this, however, she is giving her daughter an up-close view of the lengths to which a parent will go to provide for a child. This is an enormous strength which goes unnoticed by the school personnel.
Nikki assumes that Marla lacks the parenting skills and motivation to follow through on her good intentions because she is single and poor. But while being poor may complicate the job of parenting, it does not mean that Marla has no ideas of what her daughter needs outside of school to support her learning in the classroom. Nikki’s assessment of Cindy is framed negatively, as well: Cindy needs to improve her social skills, to learn to be less impulsive, to make appropriate overtures to peers, to feel better about herself, and to have more enriching after school experiences.
Shellie and Ed also view Cindy and Marla through the deficit lens. Shellie has had numerous conversations with school personnel about Cindy, but none with Marla. She relies on Cindy, a second grader, to relay all her communications home to Marla, thereby placing the burden of making contact on Marla. She assumes that Marla lacks parenting skills, and fails to credit Marla for her role in helping Cindy maintain the social gains she made during summer camp. Ed’s belief that the most meaningful out-of-school-time for children is time spent engaged with parents, is important and should be reflected in Nikki’s and Shellie’s attempts to connect Cindy and her mom with out-of-school resources.
Many low-income families face challenges similar to these when their children are in school. Schools seem set up to accommodate middle class families who are not struggling for day-to-day survival, and whose members understand how to navigate in the educational system. It is easy for those of us who work in schools to forget that our own good intentions are not always enough. In my work, connecting under-performing students with out-of-school-time achievement-related resources, I have found that I need to monitor my own stereotypes and assumptions so that I can move beyond them to create true partnerships with the families I wish to serve. Parents like Marla, who did not have good experiences in school as young people, are often uncomfortable in schools as adults. They may not feel empowered to advocate for their children, especially if no one advocated for them as children. They may also feel (as a parent said to me, recently) that “It’s a parent’s job to get the kid to school, and it’s a teacher’s job to educate the kid while she’s there.” In classrooms with families from diverse socioeconomic backgrounds, teachers may have to navigate among parents who believe that they know how to teach far better than the teacher, and parents who defer to the teacher in all aspects of classroom management and content.
Shellie and Nikki can gain important information about how to serve this family by asking Marla what she needs. If her new job works out, Marla’s biggest need may be money for reliable transportation and/or an apartment nearer to school. Certainly, for the past few years, she has needed reliable after school care near her home. Some school districts have links to resources which can provide this kind of assistance. In addition, Marla needs to be brought into the conversation about Cindy’s schooling as a partner. This will require that Shellie and Nikki work to build a relationship of mutual trust with Marla. I have found that parents who are reluctant or unable to come in to school are sometimes more willing to meet on neutral ground (a playground after school or a coffee shop in their neighborhood). Shellie and Nikki will need to honor Marla’s efforts and her good intentions. They will also need to examine their own stereotypes and lack of familiarity with the issues facing low-income families.
Finally, Marla and Cindy need opportunities to celebrate the positive aspects of their family within the context of school. Once this family’s strengths are visible and appreciated, the barriers to Cindy’s success in school and her needs for out-of-school-time resources will be easier to address.
