A Father for All Seasons
By Eric M. Cabrera
In a phone interview with my probation officer, she asked a question regarding my relationship with my son Elijah. “What was the hardest part of being separated from your son? Christmas? Birthdays?” Although those were painful times, I told her the heart-squeezing events were the “Donuts With Dad” days at Elijah’s school. After all, who could really take a father’s place? My wife Diane did it mostly, and even his grandmother. At least Christmas and birthdays provided gifts that helped to slightly distract the sadness. But Donuts With Dad without dad? Those were deeply sad times for us.
This year’s Father’s Day is extremely special to me and Elijah. Last year I was a father in prison, but today I am writing as a formerly incarcerated father. A free man! I have to say: Freedom is amazing!
In February of 2010, I was arrested for transporting 4,500 pounds of marijuana in my diesel truck. I was sentenced to 14 years and was just released from prison this past April 5, 2021, after serving 11-plus years of that sentence. So before my incarceration, the last Father’s Day I had with Elijah was in 2009. That was 12 years ago! Elijah was only two years old then.
Fatherhood in freedom definitely has its challenges. While I was involved with my son’s life from behind the wall through phone calls, visits, and letters, the feelings of guilt in my heart for leaving Elijah behind caused me to be more of the “fun dad” rather than “disciplinarian dad” when it was called for. Now, I’ve had to ask God for the courage and wisdom to be a good father when he’s being good AND when he does things Diane and I do not approve of. But we make it work, and Elijah and I are very close. In fact, it’s almost as if I never left despite the years of physical separation.
I celebrate Father’s Day every day. We do something special together daily. Bike riding, playing video games, kayaking; everything is special. I was even able to experience a milestone moment in Elijah’s academic life when I attended his 8th grade graduation. What a day that was!
It’s a great time to be a father for me. It brings me great joy to be the father of such an amazing kid. It’s been a long road and I pray every day for the fathers and children who have been affected by the criminal justice system.
You may remember my story in one of FAMM’s focused emails for last year’s Father’s Day. This year I was given the honor to personally pen the thoughts in my heart, and I am grateful to FAMM for the opportunity. I was quoted in last year’s email to “do whatever it takes to love above your circumstances,” and I continue to stand by those same words of encouragement. Whether incarcerated or free: Be the best father you can be regardless of the situation.
And as we celebrate Father’s Day, let us keep our thoughts, prayers, and contributions to all of the fathers and children who have been struck with the adversity of the criminal justice system. Happy Father’s Day.
So many kids and fathers are separated for far too long because of unfair laws. Want to help families like Eric’s and fight for change? Please join FAMM.
