Always A Groomsman, Never The Groom
My name is Isaac Schade, and I’ve never won a fantasy football championship.
There. I said it. Feels good to get that off my chest.
Actually, it’s a lie. I did win one, last year. But it was in an eight-team league where we did an auto-draft just to try something different. So the only fantasy football championship I’ve ever won: it was only eight teams, and I didn’t even draft the team that won. Oh, and the person I beat in the championship of that league? My wife. Sweet Mrs. Schade.
Not a great start to an article where I’m trying to convince you that you should listen to me when I talk to you about fantasy football, is it?
Here’s the thing: I am the 1990s-early 2000s Atlanta Braves. They won their division every year from 1991–2005 (except the strike-shortened 1994 season). Oh man, with that run of dominance they must have racked up multiple World Series titles, right? Au contraire mon frere. My beloved Braves unfortunately won exactly one (yes, O-N-E) championship in that span (1995 — beat the Indians).
As for me, I make the fantasy football playoffs all the time; I just have had tough luck sealing the deal. For example: this will be my sixth fantasy football season playing in the league I care about most. In the five years of playing in that league, I’ve finished second, third, second, second and third. Yep, that’s right, I’ve made the playoffs literally ever year I’ve been in that league, but never won it.
So why on earth should you listen to me, the human manifestation of the ’90, ’91, ’92 and ’93 Bills?
- Because I absolutely freaking love football.
Football can make you ecstatic. I vividly remember January 17, 1999, the NFC Championship game. I can still smell the old musty rocking chair I sat in as an awkward junior high student with all my prepubescent baby fat. I went absolutely nuts when Gary Anderson, who hadn’t missed a field goal the entire 1998 season for the 15–1 Vikings, missed late in the fourth quarter, which allowed Jamal Anderson and my “Dirty Bird” Atlanta Falcons to tie the game and eventually win in overtime. Super Bowl here we come!
And then football can just as easily rip your heart out. A mere two weeks later, John Elway, Terrell Davis and company were not to be denied their second title in a row.
Through the highs of an unexpected NFC Championship or the lows of not having a prayer in the subsequent Super Bowl, I always keep coming back for more. This sport is just that great.
1a. Because I absolutely freaking love fantasy football.
Fantasy football treats us the same as real-life football. It marks big moments in our lives. It causes tears — of joy and defeat. And sometimes all these big moments and tears come together on the last play of Monday Night Football.
Monday, September 24, 2012: Packers at Seahawks. My wife and I were in the middle of moving into our very first house — a huge moment in our lives. But the joy of the American dream was ruined by the idiocy of the replacement refs. I started the Packers D/ST that week and when Golden Tate was awarded a touchdown instead of being flagged for offensive pass interference on the last play of the game, it cost me my fantasy football match up. Tears of defeat.
Monday, October 26, 2015: Ravens at Cardinals. My wife had given birth to our first child just 13 days earlier — another huge moment in our lives. I was playing my buddy Morgan that week, who was having a terrible fantasy season, so I was feeling good. But, of course, on this night, Morgan was beating me. I needed the Cardinals D to pull out a miracle. On the last play of the game, the Cardinals intercepted Joe Flacco in the end zone, sealing my come-from-behind victory. I picked up my 13-day old son and literally shouted at him: “I’m going to dip you in solid gold.” Tears of joy.
Through all the agony, happiness, trash-talking, stomach-in-knots moments I keep coming back week after week and year after year.
2. I want you to do well.
I like to have fun. I love to help other people around me have fun. And how do you have fun in fantasy football? Win. Wait, let’s be honest, fantasy football is a blast whether you win your league or wind up as The Buzzard (my league’s last-place trophy). Football aside, it truly is the community of friends, both old and new, that make fantasy football as great as it is. But be honest with yourself, isn’t it just a liiiiiiittle bit more fun and rewarding when you’re railroading your friends’ teams week after week?
Uh-huh. I thought so.
Suffice it to say, I’m going to give you the best information I possibly can to prepare you for fantasy football domination…oh wait, I mean, um, to prepare you for fantasy football fun with your league mates.
3. I’m a stats guy
I was thiiiis close to being a math teacher — not even joking. I’m that big of a nerd. I love numbers. I love stats. When I make recommendations, I use numbers and what’s actually happening on the field to inform my opinions. Stats are not everything, but they are revelatory of what has happened in the past and what is most likely to happen again in the future.
4. …but I also listen to my gut
The Moneyball era of sports is great. Using stats is a fantastic way to make sure we’re exercising every possible advantage we can as we’re filling our rosters and starting line-ups. However, we still have to actually watch football. Crazy, huh? Numbers tell a big part of the story, but not the whole story. Watch a running back. Does he follow his blocking? How does he hit his hole? Does he run north and south or dance around like a ballerina? Players must pass your eye test. Combined with stats, I’ll share with you what my gut is telling me.
5. I work tirelessly to win my first legit FF championship
That first legit fantasy football championship is so close I can taste it. I’ve got a good feeling that this is my year (although let’s be honest, given my track record, I’ll probably finish in second). Every night, when I go to sleep, I don’t count sheep. I go through each team, division by division, and name their fantasy relevant players. And because I so desperately want to win, I study and research diligently, and you, dear reader, are the beneficiary of that. I’ll share my findings with you, to put you in the best possible position to do what I have never done — win your league.
Like you, I’m looking forward to the 2016 NFL (& fantasy football!) season with great anticipation. I’m hoping (although doubtful) that my Falcons will have a strong year. I’m hoping I can help you have a successful fantasy football season (Shameless plug: I’ll be the beat reporter for the Dallas Cowboys on the Fantasy Life Blog). And most importantly, I’m hoping this will be the year that I’ll finally go from being a groomsman to being the groom and winning my first fantasy football championship!
You can find me on the Fantasy Life App: @isaacschade
The Fantasy Life app is the best sports community app to talk fantasy football, basketball, baseball, hockey, soccer, WWE, MMA, Nascar, golf, eSports, or anything else you would hear about at a sports bar. Find or post funny memes, polls, GIFs, or join chats about your teams. Matthew Berry (ESPN, The Talented Mr. Roto), the face of fantasy football co-founded the app as a place for fans to chat about sports, get fantasy advice, or find sleepers for your team. Find Matthew on the app @matthewberry
Download the iPhone or Android app at fantasylifeapp.com. Also available in the App Store and Google Play.
