5 Rules for Picking a Good Airbnb

A year of living in Airbnb has taught me a few things

Having lived in 17 Airbnbs, mostly for a month at a time, I’ve endured dark hallways, keys left behind a water meter down basement steps, a crowbar for opening windows, mattresses so thin they flung out of my hand when I lifted them thinking they were real mattresses, dishwashers that sounded like being aboard a ship on the high seas, and a hot water tank that roared to life with every middle-of-the-night flush. And never, ever any ice cubes.

But with time, I got better. Here’s my personal algorithm that has made the “misses” dwindle.

Five Rules for Picking a Decent Airbnb

Rule #1: No reviews? Don’t do it.

It’s either a case of a lot of unhappy campers or the place is a scam. Our friend — who has lived in 200+ Airbnbs over the course of three years — broke this rule and regretted it instantly. Space was tight in Berlin on their budget, so he went against his better judgment and booked. But when he asked the owner if the apartment was on a first or second floor and she said, “you’ll have to wait and see,” he balked. Airbnb came to the rescue and even they thought the place was a scam (and started the process of taking it down).

Rule #2: Don’t rent from a 22-year-old guy (sorry guys).

They just don’t get hospitality.

Rule #3: Look at the pictures. Wait a day, then look again. Really look.

Window that are wedges of light at the top of the wall — you’re below ground. Angled ceilings? You’re in the top apartment in Paris (no elevator, six floors) and you’ll hit your head every time you get out of bed and you will have to shave stooped over. An overabundance of “view” shots or scenes from the city? The apartment is a dog. Lack of photos? Don’t click “book.” Just don’t do it. Look on the kitchen counters — no coffeemaker? Microwave? Stovetop? Airbnb doesn’t tell you a lot about the kitchen so be sure you see what matters to you.

Find the sweet spot between overly sterile and too personal. White walls and Ikea furniture means the guy (see Rule #2) has bought several apartments and is relying on you to pay his mortgage. Too personal (too many shelves crammed with stuff), expect a 10-page instruction manual, “don’t touch” stickers everywhere, and a strong smell of cardamom.

Rule #4: Read the reviews, all of them.

Start with the worst reviews, and know that people really, really want to say something nice. Look for things like distance to grocery stores and transit, and what people say about the stairs (you’re the one hoofing it up and down every day). Look for repeated complaints. And like with all real estate, read between the lines. When the nice reviewer says, “it could have used some more towels, but we got by,” or “AC would have been nice but there was a cool breeze” know that the towels were always wet and it was steaming hot in the apartment. Pro tip: Discount anyone who thinks it’s amazing that the owner left a bottle of wine: amateurs.

Rule #5: Find out where the place really is.

Airbnb does not reveal the exact address until you book. Instead it gives you that radar-sweep circle on a map. With a little sleuthing (reviews might mention landmarks or grocery stores, for example), you can get at least closer to the locale. Then use TimeOut’s neighborhood guides or TripAdvisor to decipher what matters to you in a neighborhood. Search for restaurants and grocery stores in the vicinity because you don’t want to always be on a bus or in a taxi just to go out to dinner. “Old town” will be convenient, but loud.

Above all, remember:

It won’t be home. Get used to it.

What to ask for when you’re shown around

(if you actually meet a person, that is).

• How to control the heat/AC
• Wifi passwords; and test them right there
• How to operate the stove, dishwasher, and washing machine
• Where’s the nearest grocery store
• Where/when does the garbage go out
• Where’s the hot water heater switch (in Europe)
• How do you lock the door (it’s trickier than you think, said the person who locked herself inthe apartment)
• Is there a second set of keys?

In the end, I’ve had more good fortune than duds with Airbnb. A posh spot in Chelsea, a listing stone beauty in Arles, gorgeous beachfront in Australia, a chabby chic wonder in St. Leonard’s on Sea… the list goes on. Most people are incredibly generous and just want you to love their place. And you can’t beat the price.

So give it a try and let me know how it went.