Jan 7
Show Me the Trophy!
Ambassador of Quan hangs on to win his first AGS title, throws shade at his biggest haters.
Week 17 in the NFL ended with the most terrifying thing we’ve ever seen on the football field. Damar Hamlin, Buffalo Bills safety, collapsed on the field after a routine tackle and went into cardiac arrest. Many people thought he died right there, and even after he’d been revived and taken to the hospital, everyone was concerned about his condition because things didn’t look good for him. However, as of yesterday, Damar has recovered enough to wake up from his medically induced coma, have his breathing tube removed, and talk a little bit to his family and teammates.
Remarkable stuff.
We hope Damar makes a quick and complete recovery.
For the last few seasons, all the owners in the league have had their eardrums filled with the proclamations from a crownless king, a champ with no ring. Ambassador of Quan has rambled on and on about his “genius” draft selection and waiver wire mastery. He’s been a notorious rosterbator, stroking his dong, polishing that G.O.A.T. head tip until he could see his own reflection in the peehole. Folks, it’s been egregious and disgusting.
We called him the “Ambassador of Queefs”, we’ve made fun of his uncanny resemblance to Teddy Perkins.
We talked a lot of shit, dinosaur piles of shit, and he deserved it for being so cocksure about nothing. He was the AGS version of the L.A. Clippers. Today, though, Ambassador of Quan is a champion.
Reaction to Week 17:
Nick (Rebel Scum): Fantasy football wins and loses come down to making the proper roster moves. For whatever reason, and he wasn’t alone in this, T. RUTH left his win on the bench with Mike Evans. Here’s the final score of the AGS Super Bowl.
Do you think Mike Evans would’ve changed the outcome of this game? Jamon, T. RUTH owner, can put some of the blame on those 50 bench points, but Kirk Thuggins and some other dudes on his roster let him down.
Bad roster decisions are amplified in the playoffs, and this year’s tourney was decided by a few of them. From negative defenses to .5-point losses to your definitive win waving at you from your bench, Quan made enough of the right choices and had just enough luck to claim his first AGS title.
Hats off to that.
Scum, you earned 3rd place after a bittersweet season. Now that you’ve officially entered the offseason, how do you feel about how AGS 2022 went down?
Nick: “Bittersweet” sums it up. I started the season with the goal of making the playoffs, and once it was clear that I was going to make the postseason, I started believing that I had enough firepower to win it all. It didn’t work out that way. I had a gut-wrenching loss in the semifinal that still bothers me, but I had my best finish ever, won some money, and I got an extra keeper, which is huge going into the 2023 draft. I don’t have a 4th or 5th round pick in that draft, but I’ll start the draft with 6 players on my roster; that’s uncharted territory for me.
So, it was a fun season in which I posted my best record, finished better than I ever had, fell short of the ultimate prize, but I’m already set up to return a decent roster next season.
Cool. Good luck with all that.
What was the highlight of your season, and what was your biggest regret?
Nick: You already know it’s not starting A.J. Dillon instead of Aaron Jones against the Dolphins in the semifinal game, the infamous “.5 loss” to T. RUTH. I thought about it all the way up to kickoff, and I chose to roll with Jones because he had been one of my starters for weeks and a keeper of mine for a few years. I have this thing where I live and die with my studs. He wasn’t quite a stud this season, though.
The highlight of my season was finishing 3rd, winning some dough, and getting that fourth keeper.
Some of the other AGS owners chimed in and shared their season highlights and biggest regrets.
Here’s what they said.
Brandon (New Jax City)
Regrets not going all in during the pre-draft party and not drafting a better QB (he took Matthew Stafford in the 3rd round).
Highlight of the season was handing the 2022 champ one of his 3 regular season losses.
Jamon (T. RUTH)
Regrets benching Mike Evans in the Super Bowl. That decision cost him his 3rd league title.
Highlight of the season was watching Austin Ekeler leave the Chargers/Colts game late in the 4th quarter after Jamon thought his team was doomed, ending what would’ve been an epic Rebel Scum comeback win.
Joe (Who’s Coming in 2nd?)
Regrets losing 8 games in a row (after starting the season 4–0).
Highlight of the season was earning a third keeper (by winning the league’s consolation playoffs).
Lennon (Cebert Frogs)
Regrets changing who he was keeping on his roster at the last minute before pre-draft cuts AND burning his first and second picks of the draft on J. K. Dobbins and D. J. Moore.
Highlight of the season was the San Diexico draft shenanigans. “It was all downhill after that,” (Frogs finished last this season).
During good times and bad times, fantasy football, especially a league as entertaining as AGS, is the best. It brings friends together (it might also tear friendships apart), and it makes every football game matter, even those god awful TNF Jags/Texans matchups. If you know, you know. That’s why it’s so hard to say goodbye when it’s over.
11 of our league’s 12 teams sink into the offseason trying not to think about their 2022 campaign regrets, but one man has earned himself an offseason of unrequited braggadocio. It’s Ambassador of Quan, and he’s about to pull his loaf out on the league and wave it around.
Quan, the Ambassador, you finally did it. You climbed the top of the AGS mountain and planted your flag as the 2022 league champ. You’ve endured years of mockery and verbal abuse, as many of us non-champs have, but the knives were out when it came to you.
How does it feel to be the last team standing this season?
Ohhhh boy! I does feel great, but in all honesty, it’s more of a relief. As you know, nobody got ridiculed more for not having a championship than me, and rightfully so. I did my fair share of dwelling on my regular season accomplishments and other owners’ misfortunes on our text threads, but I think the compounding ridicule reached its steady peak after my closest league frenemies, a.k.a. “The Slurps”, Palos Verdes Prime Time (Dominique) and NJC (Brandon) won championships back to back in 2019 and 2020. Then, one of the league’s newest members, The Sugandese (Cinque) won in 2021.
The pool I shared with the other non-champs, those peasants, was reduced to a puddle, and the guys who recently won eagerly joined the other side. Every debate and episode of trash-talking ended with throwing it in my face that they’ve won a championship. No witty comeback can trump that coming from a non-champion. So, that’s been my life in AGS for the past 4 years, and I’ve loved every minute of it. With all that bitter, it made the sweet that much more sweet when I finally won.
So yes, it feels like a monkey is off my back. I can’t close the answer to this question out without throwing my victory in a few of my deserving league mates’ faces. Trash talking is a big part of what makes our league great so here we go. At the beginning of the year Frogs (Cebeart Cooper) realized he drafted a shit team and predicted he would finish dead last, but found solace in saying “at least he can look forward to watching the Quan fail to win a championship again.” The Slurps joined in on the bantering. Well Frogs, you were right about one thing, you finished dead last, but wrong about the Quan. Clear a seat for me in the champions club, then walk out the room, cause it’s a club of champions who won this decade, not washed up champions who won when wives and Idaho potatoes were in the league.
To NJC and prostitute Cinque, read it and weep, the Quan is “THE” champ, and I didn’t have to sell all my future picks, fleece a desperate Rudy, or sell my soul to (Joe) Owumi to do it. I built a grass roots team and rode them to victory.
To Voo (a.k.a. PVPT) , you suck at fantasy football, and I look forward to regularly reminding you of that without the fact that you won, and I didn’t.
Love you guys and can’t wait for next year.
You benched your dude, the G.O.A.T. TB12, in the Super Bowl, in favor of Jared Goff, and it worked out.
Ah man! You just had to bring up me benching the G.O.A.T. in the finals. So, as you know, I really get attached to my players. I give them all nicknames, and they have special GIFs I send to the thread whenever they score touchdowns. I began building this team in 2020 when I drafted (Jonathan) “Touchdown” Taylor and CeeDee “Lamborghini”. With those two under contract, along with “Killer Trav” (Kelce) and “Smoking” Joe Mixon as keepers, I had a great core to add to going into future drafts.
Taylor and Ceedee were rookies in 2020, and didn’t break out until late in the season, so I finished 7th, but won the consultation 3rd keeper. Going into the 2021 draft my goal was to add a top tier quarterback, and I had my eyes on Justin Herbert, who I was 100% positive would fall to me in the 2nd round. I couldn’t have been any more wrong, and Herbert went as the second pick in the second round. I was devastated, and my draft strategy was busted. All the top QB’s were sniped away after that, and I was left with old man Brady. I drafted him in the 3rd round and wasn’t excited about it.
The first Thursday night game of 2021 was the Bucks vs Cowboys. We had a poker night that night, so most of AGS was together. I remember giving NJC a hard time because it was the first we saw of the Elliot- Pollard RBBC. Prior to 202,1 NJC killed us with Elliot year after year, so it was good to finally see him falling off. On the Bucks opening drive, Tom Brady threw a touchdown, and I sent a GIF of the words “G.O.A.T.” to our text thread. Well, Brady went on to throw 3 more touchdowns, and I ran out of Brady GIFs, so I thought to just send a GIF of a goat.
I found one of the funniest looking headshots of a startled goat with the frame pulsating like a shot in a horror film.
It was hilarious, and the “G.O.A.T. GIF” was born, I sent more G.O.A.T. GIFs than the league could handle. Brady had a hell of a season and was officially my guy. I finished number 1 overall and scored the most fantasy points in a season in AGS history. Unfortunately, I lost in the playoffs to NJC, who started an unknown Tee Higgins off waivers, and he scored 50 points. I heard it all off-season from the peanut gallery.
The following year I didn’t keep Brady because I knew I could re-draft him, and at the 2022 draft I reached for Brady in the second round, passing up on Jalen Hurts and Joe Burrow. Unfortunately, Brady didn’t have the mega season he had prior, but he consistently gave me at least 20 points a game, which was enough. Kelce was having his best season, and Amon Ra St. Brown and CeeDee were on fire. I had streamed other quarterbacks when Brady had tough matchups all season, and coming into the championship, Jared Golf was on fire and had a great matchup. Brady was coming off a dismal performance against a terrible team and almost lost me the semi-final game.
I started Goff, and he gave me an awesome 31 points, but on the bench was my man Brady, the G.O.A.T., the man that made the Quan a feared opponent, in his final game, and in the fantasy football championship he put up 53 points… on my bench. It honestly was bitter sweet not rolling with my guy to win it all. My GOAT GIFs would’ve been bombing the thread like the comment section on a viral post, and the win would’ve had a storybook ending.
Thanks for giving us the short version of this answer, Quan.
Did attending a live taping of a fantasy football podcast give you that coaching edge, or did you just get lucky?
Funny you mention luck, cause in reality, luck plays a huge part in fantasy football and especially the playoffs. Both the teams I played in the semi-finals and the championship had put up major points the week prior, but then had their worst games against me. Research and analysis can give you the competitive edge, but in the end, the Fantasy Gods choose the winners, and they work in mysterious ways.
Attending the live taping of my favorite fantasy football podcast was just me being a fan. As far as a coaching edge, listening to multiple podcasts during my commute or household chores, really helped me draft well. Guys like Miles Sanders, Alan Lazard and James Robinson weren’t high on many draft boards, but they were on my radar from listening to various podcasts. I wish I would’ve listened to them more during the season because they’re a lot of in-season moves I regret.
Every victory is sweet, and getting the win in the biggest game of the season was the sweetest win, but was there another victory you had this season that was special?
Winning the championship against Jamon was sweet, especially since he beat me in 2018 and robbed me of winning before the slurps, but beating him by .5 on an epic 30-point Monday night performance from Kelce was a sweet win.
Jamon is a winner in life; he’s a successful attorney, charismatic, has a wonderful family and just a fun guy to be around, which is why the slurps slurp him up so well. I’ve known him since college, and everything just seems to come to him effortlessly. We pledged our fraternity together and partied hard. I never saw him open a book or mention he was up all night studying, yet he graduated on-time, went to law school, and was an attorney before many of us finished undergrad.
That same appearance of effortless success in life is the same for him in AGS. The man comes to the drafts with no material and a nonchalant demeanor, while the rest of us have notebooks, computers, phones, and are conjuring side deals, etc. The slurps pull out a seat for him, and he just makes picks off the top of his head and puts together a winning team every year. Gotta love it. Every time I play him it always falls on a must-win week, so wins against Jamon are always sweet.
The league knows you respect and possibly have a man-crush on The Curse team owner Joey Bryant because of how you stroke his loaf on the thread. You already said that you see him as a threat to your title defense next season, which other team/s are you thinking might return in 2023 with a vengeance?
LOL. “Man-crush”.
Joey flat out killed it in this year’s draft, and I have to give credit to where credit is due. He not only drafted well, but he made great deals for future picks and contracts. This was supposed to be a rebuilding year, and he almost won it all. It’s really hard to judge who is a threat for next season, but since so many of Joey’s players are returning, you can easily see his team is already stacked. My early predictions for teams returning with a vengeance is definitely Rebel Scum and The Curse. Both those teams have a solid core of keepers and can win even if they don’t hit in the draft.
I am really looking forward to seeing what a lot of teams do next season. Cebert Frogs are in last place, unfamiliar territory, but he’ll have the number 1 overall pick in every round. Frogs usually drafts well, so it’s interesting to see how quickly he can rebuild that franchise. Voo took Rudy for a bunch of picks and time will tell if he can capitalize on that. NJC never really drafts well, but is a master at the waivers and in-season blockbuster trades that move him to the forefront. At some point Pimps players are not going to get injured, and his team is going to be a force then. Jamon is always a problem, and I’m sure he will find a way to seduce some of those picks or players away from Voo and be a top tier team once again.
Can’t wait until August 2023!
