Am I too fat for the vaccine to be effective?
I got the first dose of the vaccine ten days ago. I went with friends which was a real blessing. I have parking anxiety, hospital anxiety and needle anxiety and so being with them just made it really easy. Once we were done with the injections, we went up to the waiting room as advised and all four claimed to be feeling a little weird. Soreness in the arm, a little woozy, etc. All I felt was a need to sleep, which could quite easily have been explained by my not having slept the night before or by the anxiety of this trip.
Nevertheless, I got home, showered and got into bed. I slept for 90 minutes straight, whereas I’m usually a power napper (20 mins). When I woke up I was hungry, craving cheesy stuff — specifically. I was also still feeling very sleepy and was feeling horny (really… it was a thing, and confirmed by another friend as a possible side effect :D). But that was it. My friends on the other hand, poor babies, had fever and body ache (from hell, as they described it.) But here I was just feeling sleepy and hungry, a little arm soreness and wanting some comfort (ahemm…)
I started wondering, what if the vaccine is useless on me? What if my body is too big and those who developed the vaccine did not take higher body weight into account, etc. etc. A friend mentioned how the others were probably having a stronger immune system response and that it was a good thing. And that my immune system probably reacts slower. This triggered my existing insecurity and I went down a rabbit hole of questioning my immune system as well! All of those awful fat phobic triggers hit me like a truck.
I spent two hours googling whether it was OK not to have severe side effects to the vaccine. For a change, googling my symptoms helped. Apparently, it’s OK. Also I am in my 40s, and those friends are in their early to mid 30s. Apparently that’s a factor in responses to the vaccine.
And yet…
As the days progressed, my friends healed from the fever and were back to their normal selves within 48 hours; it took me 72 hours of feeling tired and just wanting to never get out of bed. Also feeling really really hungry with specific cravings. The last week has been extremely busy but I am still concerned my energy levels are not where I’m used to having them.
The shadow of whether or not the vaccine has worked, whether or not I am too fat for it to work continues to lurk. And I do not have a good answer. I have not spoken to a doctor — I really don’t think it would be fair to do so with everything else they need to handle. I have NOT googled the effect of the vaccine on fat bodies because I am sure something I read will trigger me and right now I don’t have the resources to deal with that.
And this is the thing about fat phobia and how deeply conditioned we are. It doesn’t matter how much I work on it. It doesn’t matter how happy I am in my body or how well it is. There will always be this demon lurking around waiting to get me down in a weak moment. The additional concern is that there are very few people I can speak with to garner comfort even though I have more people who get me than a lot of others out there.
Which is why the concept of building a community where fat people can connect and fat allies can be connected as well is so important to me.
As a first step Ameya and I have announced a series of six workshops on Dealing with the World, starting 29th May. The workshops will be 2 hours each and typically happen on the last Saturday of every month from 5 to 7pm, IST. We will run these from the perspective of a fat person’s experience, and participants can expect to leave with tools they can use and a community to lean on. The series has:
⁃ Dealing with mental health
⁃ Dealing with concern trolling
⁃ Dealing with spaces
⁃ Dealing with family
⁃ Dealing with healthcare
⁃ Dealing with relationships
For more information on registration and costs: message either one of us or leave a comment here with your email ID :)
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