Conditioning… and it’s not cool!!!
“Can she even climb stairs? In a year or two her knees will give way!”
This is what my ex-husband’s dad said to him as a warning to not marry me, the fat girl. I was 23 years old and 50 kilos lighter than I am now. Go figure.
“I don’t trust you with the car, you’re so fat and clumsy your responses won’t be quick enough in an emergency.”
My own mother when, at 19, I wanted to drive the car solo, still 50 kilos lighter than I am now.
That’s what people think when they see a fat body — lazy, slob, clumsy — basically that we can’t move. Also that our skulls are so full of fat that we probably can’t think either. And the truth is so far removed from that!
I am so grateful for the internet and Instagram and amazing women like Lizzo and Whitney Way Thore whose warm up ballet pose inspired this post. Lately our very own Kirti and Tanvi who are showing us “all bodies can move” and fat bodies can do anything they set their minds to! I remember in 2014 when I watched Ragen Chastain waltz across a ballroom and then read she was training for the Iron Man — my eyes nearly fell out of their sockets . “What??!! A body like mine can move like that?” my brain screeched!
And I’ve seen it in myself . This body has trekked 10km up to Kedarnath — albeit VERRY slowly and with difficulty — but hey my knees didn’t crack and I did make it. I’ve walked 20–25 km in 4–5 hours almost every day across 6 weeks — while I was often struggling to catch up right at the end, many a time I was keeping pace right in front. I’ve been dancing to songs all my life, can go for hours and stay graceful — well so people say — I’m too busy moving to the beat to think about it. I’ve also done multiple forms of exercise and had trainers be “surprised” at my strength and “form.” Heck, I’d worked up to 108 surya namaskars in 90 minutes. I can touch my toes, raise my legs above my head (cough, cough), sit on my haunches for extended periods of time or in vajrasana and even in ardha padmasana, if the mood comes upon me.
And yet when, I go for a walk I am asked, “Was it brisk? Half an hour only? Hey, why don’t you try running or jogging a little or how about a Zumba classsssss!” and “Got to get your heart rate going, else you won’t really lose weight.” Or “Yoga and Pilates? Sure it’s good to stretch the body but you must try and get some cardio in.” That word “cardio” haunts every fatty — it’s inescapable. That gym instructor WILL talk about doing 40 mins of cardio — “You need to sweat it out, ma’am!” — yep like I’m not sweating enough among this sea of sculpted bodies looking at me like I have alien growths or something. And then there’s spinning class. They just don’t make those seats to be nice to vaginas and big butts — I couldn’t walk for days after a trial class I was forced to attend (and totally not for the reason I would like to have that happen!). Basically all we hear is “not enough, not enough, not enough.” Any wonder a lot of us have developed an aversion to movement?
And then the backhanded compliments…
Like this guy who was trying to let me know he found me sexy and said, “You know my friends and I were laughing at this big girl who was going to belly dance, but we actually got hard ons from how sexy she turned out to be,” and added, “I am sure it’s the same with you.”
Ewww, ewwww, ewwwww — there’s just so much wrong with that analogy!
- He and his friends were laughing at a larger body.
- What’s with men thinking a hard on is a compliment??
- He is assuming I would want to do that for him!
- The absolute worst is he actually thought that was a compliment.
Sheesh Makeesh!
Then there’s the time I went to this live gig and turned down this man’s advances and he says to me, “I’m really attracted to fat women, but you know your walk has a bit of a gait and I could fix it in a few weeks if you’d work with me.”
UGH.
I’m pretty sure you don’t need a numbered list to know how that was unsolicited and downright rude, and how every gate I have, permanently closed for him in that instant!
Yep, the messaging sucks — and like every other aspect of body shaming, we have to work on slowly and steadily unravelling the knots. Finding your own voice in that cacophony out there and understanding what you enjoy doing with your own individual body. It takes research and trying different things out, but, hey, when you find your movement — including the one from the couch to the fridge and back — celebrate it! It’s your body, it’s awesome as is!
