Stay silent no more

As I write this, I am emotionally, mentally and physically overwhelmed and don’t have enough containers to put my emotions in. Part of this is the exhausting pace I have kept up for the last month or so. Honestly, if I had known I would be slogging my ass off like this, I would have cherished the two weeks I spent in bed in April ;).

Part of the reason why I am this overwhelmed is a decision I made at 2.45am on Wednesday morning to speak out about something and that seems to have opened up a nuclear reactor of rage and things to say that I had kept fairly effectively sealed and contained. And clearly that cover was further hidden under a thick, deep carpet that kept the explosions muffled. And having wrenched the carpet off and ripped the security seal away — I can no longer contain ANYOFITTTTT!

A little context.

I did something called the Lifebook Online program in 2019 and frankly it is the most powerful program I have ever done. It was the first system that allowed me — a fat person, a fat person comfortable with her body, a fat person comfortable with her body and not trying to lose weight — it was the first system that allowed all of me in. It allowed me in as I was, to define what I wanted for my life. It gave me space to be me, to breathe, to set my eyes on my star and decide how to go about getting there. I believe in the power of this system because it allowed me, an outlier to hit the ball out of the park. Someone who has never really felt like she belonged in any system on the planet, was able to not only walk onto this field, she was able to play it and win!

Why? Because it is an open system. It allows you to figure out what you want in life and set up your own process that enables you to move towards those aspirations. The process eliminates all the noise — society, family, partners, friends, children. And it allows you to listen to and capture your own thinking for your own life. While keeping into account 12 categories of life : health & fitness, intellectual life, emotional life, spiritual life, character, love relationship, social relationships, parenting, career, financial life, quality of life and the overall life vision.

And this is why I have worked and continue to work so hard to be a Lifebook Leader, because if it could get my life rolling in such a positive direction, it can help anyone who chooses to bring this awareness into their own lives. And I can’t feel more privileged than to be a part of that journey.

So where’s the problem? “We want the goss on the nuclear reactor drama, Pea!” Here goes.

The first category is “health and fitness”. And when explaining what needs to be done in the thinking around this category , the examples used are of “normal” bodies. The basic assumption being that thin means healthy and fit. For two years, this has irked me and I’ve said nothing about it. Comfortable in defining things as I am, and to hell with the world.

However, two nights ago, as we were being coached to coach, I realised I was doing a disservice by being quiet. I realised that were were 200 other people who like me were going out and being Lifebook Leaders, who would impact at least 10 other lives each, if not more, in the next couple of months. And to stay silent and allow 2000 other people to be exposed to fat phobia was just not something I could digest! And so I decided to break my silence and to speak. To let the leaders and the founders of this program, that I hold so dear, know my point of view. That the system is amazing, the system gives room for marginalised people like me. And to say to them, even if you don’t agree, and it is not my job to make you agree. But it is my responsibility to let you know that please hold that space!

And this is what I want to say to the rest of the world. You can go ahead and make the choices you need to make for your own bodies — you are entitled to that. But allow people like me to be entitled to the choices we make for our bodies. Stop raining on our parades. Stop telling us you come from a space of love, care and concern without educating yourselves on what the truth of our bodies is. Even if you do love us, realise that letting us know your concern for our bodies is not healthy for us. And all that contempt and disappointment and regret you feel around bodies and weight and shit — well fucking keep it to yourself and stop projecting. Just stop — because more and more of us are done with this crap.

And I am going to be silent no more!