Trauma, radical views and dialogue
Just because you can’t see the wound, doesn’t mean the trauma isn’t there.
This applies to all psychological and emotional wounds. It also applies to physical wounds that, even when they supposedly heal on the surface, still have some residual trauma or scarring on the inside. Our body is amazing — it stores emotions and memories in cells — which means your body remembers it was hurt. And even though cells regenerate, they pass the memory of the trauma — this is evolution.
Scientists have found neurons in the human gut — they have also found similar indications throughout the body — which, while not capable of conscious contemplation, affect our mental and emotional health. Emotional receptors exist in every cell. Research has shown that when we feel a positive emotion that releases endorphins and other good-feeling hormones, the hormones unlock happy feeling receptors and can be absorbed by the cells. On the other hand, the low-feeling emotions unlock other receptors in the same cells. It has been found that viruses and other parasitic cells have the same lock and key receptors as the bad feeling hormone receptors. So, introduce enough stress in a person, and you have cells that are literally inviting virus and other ill health.
Despite the fact that science tells us all of this, we still don’t account for the trauma we have endured from the moment we were born. Entering this world is terribly traumatic for an infant. Imagine being all wrapped up in a warm blanket — hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling everything in a protected way in your mother’s womb. And then all of a sudden being popped out into the air with bright lights and sounds and the chemical mix of strange smells all around. And then who even knows what the child experiences: rejecting parents or accepting ones, a clinical whisking away and being cleaned or a few moments of safety at the mother’s breast…
And then there’s the whole process of growing up. Having to ask for what you need — sometimes louder and louder till you get it. Sometimes it is met with love and engagement and nurturing, sometimes with resentment, sometimes with sadness and guilt. Consider how that impacts the child as he or she grows up. Imagine the child that is told from the moment he or she is born: I am sure you will do great things when you are grown up, I am sure you will make us proud. You, child, will be the most talented, beautiful, intelligent etc. All of those unfulfilled dreams and desires of the parent are now projected onto this newly minted little being who in his or her eagerness to be loved is absorbing it all.
These expectations of conformity or being able to control a person’s life just because that person is our offspring actually sets said offspring up for failure, because he or she may not want to be an astronaut or a corporate honcho or a good wife or a kind husband. And yet they carry the burden of expectation. They learn that love is emotional manipulation and fear tactics. They learn that approval comes at a cost. They learn that anger is a bad thing because it can cause uncontrolled reactions and create an unsafe space. They learn that sadness is not allowed or vulnerability is contemptuous. They learn that they are only safe when they conform to rules and standards. They learn that it is dangerous to have an individual voice and speak up. They learn that lies keep them safe and the truth is sometimes the worst thing. They learn to judge their feelings — to hide some and only show others. They learn how powerful the silent treatment can be.
Many human beings stay in that mould — it’s safe even if painful and full of pitfalls and even if it burns them down over time. Many are, however, breaking the mould, trying to find themselves, claiming ownership over themselves and their difference. Given the unprecedented times we are in, where community is just the click of a button away, they are connecting to those communities. Sometimes that community, albeit online, becomes their life. Given their struggle against the voices of conformity, these people immerse themselves in the safe acceptance of that community and shut every other voice out. So high are their walls that they allow no dissenting voice in, they reject everything outside of this new belief system and fight tooth and nail against the continuing oppression they see around themselves. We think them radical, polarised, closed, disconnected from reality. Except we forget they have to be given the time to heal from the trauma of breaking away, heal from the trauma of being bashed around as they experimented with swimming against different currents, till they found the one that supported them.
As a voice for fat liberation I was polarised, I had walls against anyone who would not agree, at the cost of isolating myself completely. It has taken years of healing the trauma for me to emerge and be able to engage in a conversation which is fat phobic and still hold high the flame of fat liberation.
In the context of looking at society as getting more polarised and radical, let’s not forget the trauma we need to heal from before we can engage in conversations that look at both sides.
