Month 6: A Tiny Human
Learnings and observations from my first year of fatherhood.
Day 154: Everyone thinks Baby is a boy. I find it hilarious. Mom just wants to pierce her ears already.
Day 155: It’s my 5th day in a row of BBQ. All that fat and all that gristle is compounding and I’m contemplating my own mortality. It’s so different to now be living for someone else. I jogged on the spot for 7 minutes before eating the rest of that take out brisket. That was for you, baby girl.
Day 156: We’re flying back from Austin and Baby scored us a free upgrade to business class — line bypass, baggage fees waived, champagning and campaigning! Being adorable has it’s benefits.
Day 157: Baby fell asleep in my arms today. Her head burrowed into my chest, cheek squished, lips pursed, her little arms hugging me. I’m noting every time this happens now, it’s that rare and still that special.
Day 158: I have this uneasiness when other people hold Baby. It’s not that I think they’ll drop her, or that they’ll run away. It’s that she might like them more than me. Mannn that’s emo. But this is what being #2 to Mom for this long has done to my ego.
Day 159: Baby in the carrier, strangers invading my bubble of acceptable personal space. Everybody wants to touch the baby, especially the grannies. She slays with that demographic.
Day 160: She has been fussing for the last 2 days, chewing on all her toys, drooling a bunch, and has this rash on her bum. Apparently all these signs point to teething? And yet today she stopped fussing, no whining, no teeth. She’s a black box and we have no idea what’s going on in there.
Day 161: As much as you don’t want to be that parent, you inevitably compare babies. In today’s matchup, Gums won on best behaved but lost on hair. She only wears hats and headbands now.
Day 162: We’re getting into TV family dramas now. It’s like looking into the future, at the teen angst and the boyfriend drama. It’s making us reflect on the choices we make now and the cascading impact they will have on her life forever. This book is definitely going to scar her.
Day 163: Eating dinner at 5pm, it’s as if we’re 80.
Day 164: Mom has a blocked duct in her right boob. The flow is slower, and Baby straight up refuses to feed from it now!
Day 165: Baby woke up at 4:30am today, not to feed, but so she could sleep beside Mommy. Mom knows that this is just furthering Baby’s dependence on her, but she loves it. It’s her time in the sun.
Day 166: Baby is our personal dress up doll. Today she kinda looks like Aunt Jemima meets Tupac.
Day 167: She ate her first solids Baby Mum Mums. They’re kinda like the adult equivalent of chips — no nutrients, all crack. She’s into ’em, so we’re into ‘em.
Day 168: Baby’s sitting on her bouncer, deadpan, staring right at me. One by one I’m giving her toys that she puts in her mouth and throws on the floor. I think I bore her.
Day 169: Lifting her up, we’re playing airplane. Her drool is dripping all over my face.
Day 170: I may be a distant #2 to mom, but recently I started to outrank everyone else. She was being super fussy with the grandparents today, until I walked in. Me, all smiles with daddy. Being the first loser isn’t always that bad.
Day 171: There’s only so much of Baby to go around, especially on the weekends. I want to get my time in, but so do family and friends. Balancing schedules, expectations and egos sometimes requires more energy to mediate than baby-rearing itself.
Day 172: We gotta let baby cry it out more. I think it builds self sufficiency, while Mom thinks it builds abandonment issues. We argued for 30 minutes today, while Baby just fell asleep. She’s been playing us this whole time!
For the record Mom, I was right.
Day 173 Oh shit. So it started with that right duct on Day 164, but Baby is now refusing the boob altogether and only taking the bottle. It’s breaking Mom’s spirit, she feels like she’s failing as a provider. As support staff all I can really do is google the benefits of Similac, because yeah that’s exactly what Mom wants right now.
Day 174: Forget trying to be perfect, forget trying to be everything for everyone. I’m going to miss her before sleep sometimes, I’m going to drop balls at work. I’ve finally accepted the consequences of this double life.
Day 175: Two big but likely unrelated events happened today. Baby started sucking her toes and Mom’s new hair started coming in real nicely.
Day 176: Picked Baby up this morning and found her left cheek hanging out of her diaper, pee soaking through her clothes and bed. Baby, indifferent, with a huge smile on her face. I wish I had her supreme confidence.
Pro-tip: Always centre the tabs on the diaper.
Day 177: She’s trying to sit on her own now. She hunches over as a gorilla would with one hand on the mat for balance. She holds this pose for about 15 seconds before reaching for a toy and topples over. I feel like we’re observing an animal on the nature channel.
Day 178: We’re still trying to stretch Baby’s sleep out. It’s been almost an hour of crying before we finally give up and pick her up. Baby’s eyes are swollen, face all wet from the tears. Mom, holding Baby close, is crying too. I’m not sure who’s more sad about the whole thing.
I get why people pay for sleep consultation now. You want and need that permission to hurt your baby.
Day 179: Baby cried for hours in tonight’s edition of sleep training. Mom was wide awake for the whole thing, staring at the glowing light of the monitor, 6 inches from her face. I fell asleep. Mom hates me.
Day 180: It worked! Baby slept until 4am today, skipping her normal 2am feed. Mom won’t admit it, but I know she’s a little saddened by Baby’s newfound independence. This is the Giving Tree, playing itself out in real life.
Pro-tip: A hidden blessing of Baby rejecting the boob was that we could actually measure milk intake. Her getting enough food meant we weren’t nervous about starving her at night.
Day 181: We applied our night learnings of — wait for it — not doing anything to naps. We stretched out her usual 30 minute siestas to 1h45mins!
Day 182: She ate avocados today. Well kinda. This is baby led weaning, where Baby feeds herself. She’s shoving huge chunks in her mouth, gumming at it and often gagging. Gagging is apparent ok but choking isn’t? I can’t tell the difference but Mom learnt the baby Heimlich just in case.
Day 183: The system won, this has became a regular thing I do now:
Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, we’re going to the moon.
Zoom, Zoom, we’re going to the moon.
If you go on a trip, hop aboard my rocket ship.
Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, we’re going to the moon.
In 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…
Blast off!
Happy 6 months baby girl.
