Judgement, Shame, and Other Things Fat People Find at the Gym
40 years in, I’m still discovering ways our body negative culture affects my relationship with movement
Recently I went to a Zumba class with my girlfriend. I was afraid it would be too hard and I would feel like death afterwards, or that I would not be able to do it at all. I went because my girlfriend asked me to go with her and even in the parking lot I felt nervous and skeptical that I would enjoy it. But Zumba is one of the only forms of exercise that I’ve ever even remotely found a groove with, so I agreed.
We danced and kicked and shook our hips, and to my surprise, it was kind of fun. But then, driving home afterwards, I found myself in tears. I was blindsided by the realization that at 39 years old, I just moved my body in intentional exercise just for me for the first time.
Before that moment, I didn’t recognize a fundamental truth about my relationship with exercise and movement. For so many years, these were things I just really hated, and it was always tied into hating my body and wanting to lose weight and restricting my calories and counting points and getting activity points and all that BS. No matter how much I told myself it made me feel good, it was never true. I was doing it because I wanted to be…
