Learn To Love Being Alone

Faylita Hicks
May 12 · 4 min read

Being single could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

It’s hard being single. Every day, people all around you are hooking up or getting engaged or having babies. Summer is the worst. Everyone looks happy traveling to some exotic location with their super sexy partner; celebrating the birthdays of their perfect, smiling children.

It’s hard not to wonder why you’re missing out. To wonder if you will ever find your happy ending. Well, I’m here to tell you. Your happy ending could be just around the corner.

The Gift of Time

I’ve spent hours on social media, scrolling through the photos of people I know who’ve suddenly seemed to get their life together and find the partner of their dreams. But not everything is as it seems.

One of the biggest complaints I’ve heard from people in relationships or friends who are now parents is: they never seem to have enough time to focus on their dreams.

I mean, think about it. How much time can you really spend becoming a master chef if you have to also worry about spending quality time getting to know a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? Or how much time will you have to tour as an R&B singer if you’re also worried about taking care of the kids?

Is it possible to have healthy relationships AND thriving careers? Sure.

Is it rare to have healthy relationships AND thriving careers? Absolutely.

It’s rare that people are able to find a balance between family/relationships and their careers. At some point, one or the other suffers.

So I suggest you look at this time as an opportunity to focus on the thing you do have — your career. And if you don’t have the dream career yet, take this time to find it. To get started on whatever project it is you’ve been waiting on.

It’s a common saying

Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.

Maybe it’s time to make some plans. Who knows, maybe that dream partner will be someone who is already working in your career field. How will you find out? By using this time to do all the things that have been on your heart to do.

The Gift of Space

After my fiancé died nine years ago, I hated sleeping in my bed. It felt cold and empty. I had become so used to sharing a space with him, I didn’t know how to embrace this new expanse. Now years later — I’m convinced that I will always want my own bed! I enjoy having the extra room to stretch out and sleep however I want.

Being single gives you the chance to stretch out a little.

You get a chance to take up a little bit more space in your own home. Trust me. You don’t like where the couch is? Move it. Who is gonna stop you? Don’t like the color of your bedroom walls? Paint it. Do whatever makes you happy in your own space. It’s a freedom so many parents/couples miss; the ability to transform their space into their own personal haven. But remember, it’s not just about the physical spaces. It’s about mental spaces too.

When you’re in a relationship or growing a family, you have to really consider how your plans will affect others. All of your decisions are contingent upon how they will affect someone else.

When you’re single, you don’t have to worry about that! Of course, you still consider how your move to New York might affect your mom who lives down the street from you now — but it’s a lot different than wondering about if your partner is going to be willing to quit their job as a tenure-track professor in order to move with you without job prospects.

It’s just you. So make up your own mind.

The Gift of Sex

I could be wrong, but sex is a big motivation for a lot of single people.

If you’re open to having sex but not getting it regularly, it’s easy to slip into a relationship that promises sex will be consistent. If you are able to find your fair amount of no-strings-attached sex. Kudos. And I’m jealous. Kind of.

For those of us who are single and not getting a lot of luck with finding sexual partners due to transportation issues or small dating pools, there is some good news. This means there is more time to focus on you.

Sex is not just something you do with someone else. It’s something you can totally do with yourself. And why not? Why not take this time as a single person to really learn about your body and figure out what you enjoy?

This is the perfect time to worship your own body.

Wanna get in shape? Do it. Wanna learn how to lift weights with your pelvic floor? Do it. Still trying to figure out whether you like vibrators more than dildos? Find out!

Head out to the bar once a week with some friends and practice (consensual) flirting. Use this time to really figure what kind of lingerie or gear you love to wear.

I’ve been using this time to woo myself. I love my solo date nights. I like to cook myself a fancy dinner, drink some wine or have a glass of whiskey, watch a movie or practice solo body massages.

There’s so much you can do to take care of you.

The Gift of You

I guess the point I’m making is that being single doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Being single could be the highlight of your life.

Don’t waste it looking at what other people have. Look at all the gifts you’ve got right in front of you.

Learn to enjoy your alone time and who knows, maybe someone else might come along and want to join in the fun too. One day.

The Hood Chick’s Guide

I want to give artists and writers from underrepresented backgrounds the information they need to get on their feet. #Articles #Essays #Blogs

Faylita Hicks

Written by

Poet | Writer | Work in Slate, HuffPost, Texas Observer, Poetry Mag +| Author of HoodWitch (Fall 2019) | Working on a memoir. @FaylitaHicks

The Hood Chick’s Guide

I want to give artists and writers from underrepresented backgrounds the information they need to get on their feet. #Articles #Essays #Blogs

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