you may cautiously enter

most people have no idea what it’s like to have their stress level completely maxed out. a feeling like you are going to explode with anger, rage, frustration, envy, sadness, despair, desolation, and disappointment, all in one reaction to negative input factors. no, they think “oh, my day was SO stressful” because they were super busy at work. or it was annoying because the bus was late again. i’m talking about being on the precipice of losing everything — including your sanity- on a daily basis, with it reaching a pinnacle every month where it feels like you will just spontaneously combust. this level of stress and anxiety is not normal. and to live like that without being able to convey exactly how you are feeling only fans the flames. only others who have stared into this abyss get it. and those who truly have will know if you have or not just by looking into your eyes. we don’t have sparkle. life has lost its luster. the zest is gone. sapped from our souls. we have accepted this lot in life, however begrudgingly, and even greet good things with such skepticism and certainty they will not work out that we can’t even enjoy things for a minute. simply getting by day-to-day is all we know, sometimes waking up disappointed at the very fact that we have woken up. again. this darkness that accompanies us everywhere we go is our normal. the light is not a safe space for us, because no one who thrives in there can be trusted. for us, we can only count on and entrust those who also exist in the margins, in the shadows, on the edge of the chasm. this is for us. read on. and if you are not one of us, this obviously ain’t for you, so fuck you. you won’t understand. don’t even try.