Falling in Love With My Baby Wasn’t Instant
I needed time to adjust to this new reality of having a baby and accepting her as my daughter.
The moment my baby was born was surreal. I couldn’t believe that this perfect little baby had just come out of my body. In fact, between pushes, I looked up at my birth team and said, “I know that a baby is about to come out of me, but I can’t believe it.”
After 32 minutes, the doctors placed my baby girl on my belly. As I looked down and witnessed her let out a big cry, my first words were, “What the heck?!”
I was in complete shock. I pulled my precious baby girl up to my chest and held her close. My husband and I stared at this tiny little human that had been growing inside of my body for the last ten months. Meeting our daughter was such a beautiful experience. We knew our life had changed forever, but the emotions I felt weren’t what I was expecting.
I felt a great sense of responsibility for this new baby that was ours. I didn’t truly experience a feeling of great love for my baby at that moment, as I thought I would.
I want to make it clear that my husband and I have fallen in love with our daughter.
Motherhood is the most challenging, yet rewarding job I’ve ever had. Now that we have our babe, I couldn’t imagine life without her. She completes us. I love her and it is such a joy to be her mommy. We have a bond unlike anything I could’ve imagined.
That being said, I did not feel an instant connection or bond with my baby. I did not feel an instant overwhelming sense of love for her. I’d always heard that the moment people meet their baby, they “fall in love”.
Was something wrong with me for not feeling this way?
I knew my life had changed and I did feel an instant sense of responsibility for this little one. It just didn’t feel real.
The first several days after having my baby were very busy.
We had visitors coming in and out, day after day, to meet the baby. I was on a very tight schedule feeding my little one every two hours around the clock. Between feedings, I needed to rest, leaving very little time for me to bond with my brand new baby girl.
In those first few days of my baby’s life, nursing was very challenging for both of us. My baby and I were both learning how to work together so I could have success breastfeeding. The other difficult piece of this was that nursing was very painful for me as I was starting out. And I mean painful to the point where I was screaming and crying begging for it to stop.
So many people talk about breastfeeding being such a beautiful bonding experience for a mother and her child. I can say that after the first several weeks, I agree with this.
But while you are learning to nurse, don’t expect joy and beauty. It is HARD.
In those first few days, I felt so discouraged because the only time I had with my baby was during feedings, but it was so frustrating for both of us. Each feeding took up to an hour from start to finish. Between feedings, friends and family would hold her and visit with us. While we didn’t have visitors, I would take time to rest so that my body could heal.
This left little to no time for my baby and me to connect.
I had such a hard time even talking to my baby. I wasn’t able to call her by name. I hadn’t even said “I love you”. I just didn’t feel it yet.
I needed time to adjust to this new reality of having a baby and accepting her as my daughter.
My sister stayed with us to help with the baby after she was born. She eventually caught on that my baby and I hadn’t had any time to bond. So she made sure that we had something she called “positive puddin’ time”. (Puddin’ was a nickname for our baby since we found out I was pregnant.) This was a time for my baby and me to relax and for us to get to know each other. I would snuggle with my baby and stare at her. We were both desperate for this time together.
Over the next several weeks, it got better and better. I was able to take time to enjoy my baby. I got to learn her personality. I learned the things that make her smile. I watched her eyes flutter as she fell asleep. I studied her little fingers and toes.
I fell in love with my baby.
When a baby is born, it is a new life that has not been discovered yet by anyone. This is the first time you are meeting her. You need to take time to get to know her. You may not feel an instant connection or deep feelings of love. That does not mean that anything is wrong with you. Sometimes it takes time.
Give yourself time to fall in love with your baby.
Give yourself grace to learn everything about her. The bond between a mother and her child is unlike any other. Now, our bond is inseparable. The love I have for my baby is indescribable. It’s immeasurable. This love is worth everything to me. I value it so much more because of the journey it took for us to get here. It is such a gift to be a mother.
