It’s Not that Women Don’t Appreciate Compliments

We just don’t enjoy being reduced to them.

Photo by Chris Murray on Unsplash

When it comes to complimenting a woman on her physical appearance, it’s not what you say. Well, sometimes it is. Most times it’s more about how, when and why you say it. It’s about the tone, and implied sentiment. Most women don’t mind being told that we’re pretty in the proper setting. Just don’t overlook the fact that we’re intelligent, funny, kind, strong, talented, and a bunch of other things, too.

To be admired only for my appearance, to me is not admiration at all. It’s objectification. Mere things display the entirety of their value on the surface. We can look at a couch and say it’s pretty, or a bracelet and think it’s cute, and have that be all that it is. We even refer to cars as sexy. But humans are complex beings with layers of interesting detail. To reduce the worth of a woman to only what she looks like is not a compliment.

I can usually tell when I’m being diminished in this manner. Most women probably can. Some cues are when men that I barely know use unwarranted terms of endearment in place of my name, are prematurely touchy-feely or unengaged in any conversation of substance. It’s the consistent diverting of attention from any topic connected to who I am as a person, to one that is rooted in my being an object of desire. For instance, if I mention that I climbed a mountain for the first time today, rather than request more details about my feat, the response is something like, “I’d like to climb you.” Ugh. Typing that made my skin crawl. Malarkey such as this tells me that you’re not interested at all in much of anything about me that is non-physical.

I know that I have more to offer than a singular aspect of my existence that I had little to do with developing. We can mostly credit genetics for our physical appearance. I’d much rather receive attention for things that I’ve worked to achieve and am passionate about.

Women have been taught to revel in the attention of men. Men have been taught that we should be flattered by their attention. Now, in our more evolved state of bold, unashamed Me Toos and Time’s Up, those falsehoods that we’ve been led to believe are being exposed and finding it difficult to continue co-existing. Now, more than ever I get patronizing remarks from men…