My Life Changed When I Discovered I Was Pregnant At 16
I was judged every single day.
I discovered that I was pregnant at 16. Yes, 16!
I look back and I cringe. It’s such a young age but back then it felt like I could take on the world. I wasn’t scared about being a mother as a teenager, but I was terrified telling my mum that I was expecting.
I had been with my boyfriend for about a year by the time we discovered that I was pregnant and he was smart to be worried that we were about to be parents. I thought I knew what I was doing because looking after your baby brother is the same as looking after your own child, right?
As young teens in love, we were stupid and irresponsible but when I began to feel sick and my period was late by three weeks, I kind of knew what had happened. My boyfriend on the other hand, did not. For him, it was the case of, ‘that kind of thing won’t happen to us.’
I was scared to tell my mum but I knew that I had to take a test. We had no money but a friend told us that there was a free clinic in town. We had to go. I already knew deep down that the test would be positive, but my boyfriend still thought I was over reacting. When he saw the positive result however, he was in shock. He turned pale and was very quiet.
I cried all the way home on the back of the bus. I don’t think I stopped crying all that night. That’s how my mum found me, sobbing quietly in my bed.
That night turned into a very long and highly emotional night.
My mum spent the whole time researching teenage pregnancy and realised she wanted to stand by my side, whatever I chose to do. Which was great because I had already decided I was keeping my baby.
Looking back I see how supportive my mother was. She didn’t have to be. She could have directed everything in a different direction, but she let me decide. It’s only now, at the age of 29 that I see how much of a baby I still was. Especially when I look at my soon to be 13 year old and think where she is in her own life.
I am still with her father because that always seems to be everyone’s first question. They want to see if they were right about us. We now have three daughters and we’re getting married in two years time. You can call me silly, but I just love shocking our old school friends whenever we seem to bump into them.
Wherever I went people would stare. It got even worse when my daughter was born and it didn’t change much when I was pregnant for the second time at the age of 21 either. I know being a young parent isn’t ideal, and shouldn’t really happen but it was my reality, the same as others.
On the plus side I did do better in my exams than I originally thought. Sitting fat and pregnant, I took every exam that was thrown at me and had better results than I ever thought possible. I had something to prove and a baby to provide for now. I wanted to give this baby a good life because having her young wasn’t giving us the best start.
How Did Me Being A Teen Parent Change My Life?
My life changed drastically when I had my baby girl at such a young age. From homework and friends to changing nappies and no social life.
Loosing my friends was a struggle for me when I was a young mum. They all came and visited when my baby was born but then I never saw them again. They left me behind.
I get it, I was a new mum and I couldn’t always hang out. They didn’t understand my life new and their free life was a distant reality for me.
Eventually they stopped talking to me and I was left without any friends at all. My boyfriend was different though. He still had his friends. He was still attending the same school. You could say I was jealous for some time with that.
I love my baby with all my heart but I struggled slightly with loosing my social life as a teenager. I didn’t even go to prom which is what most girls look forward to. I had to change school because my original school didn’t want me there. In a meeting with my mum they told us that I was basically a health risk to the school and they would have to take extra steps to ensure mine and the babies safety. The teachers would have more on their plate with me at school. If I had stayed, they had a plan for me to leave my lessons earlier than everyone else and stay inside during breaks and lunch as to keep me away from the crowds. We decided I would leave.
My new school was catered to young mothers who still needed schooling. I was scared for my first day but it turned out to be amazing as the girls all welcomed me. We were all in the same boat so there was no bitchiness or judgement.
The teachers were great, they never looked down on us and helped us in every type of way. Even trying to prepare us for our new lives as mothers. I’m actually sad to say that since leaving, the school has closed. Other teen mums in my area won’t get to experience what turned out to be a safe place for me and others. I know that if I didn’t get pregnant and go to my new school, I wouldn’t have done as well as I did.
Being a teen mum can be very lonely and stressful at times as your friends dwindle and you now have a massive responsibility to care for. I wouldn’t change a single thing though. Me and my partner always joke about the fact that we’ve done everything backwards in our life and I have no problem with that. It’s our own way of doings things.
Whilst my children have been growing, I’ve made new and stronger friendships, have three beautiful children and building a better home for the five of us.
I recently discovered something when I was pregnant with our third child. I noticed women staring again. Not in that way in which they appreciate you’re preganant and sweetly smile but again, in that same old judgemental way.
Am I just paranoid?
I don’t know. It just annoys me when people assume things, you know?
I guess you can’t please everyone. I’m learning to not to care what others think. They don’t matter. If they don’t matter to you, their opinions shouldn’t either.
Sometimes I look back at my life and think of myself as a young, 16 year old with no clue how her life is about to change. I do think of my young self as brave though. Totally transforming my life. I thought I knew love but boy was I wrong! As soon as my baby came along I knew that for sure.
I give my children as much love that I possibly can. What’s to say that’s any less than another mother who is older than me?
So don’t judge that young mum you see walking with her baby in the pushchair. She’s doing her best. Just like you.
And if you are a young mum, I see you. You’re working hard and it’s so worth it.
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