My Mom Is “Toxic,” but I Don’t Need a Gas Mask

It’s easier than that.

Malinda Fusco
Oct 30 · 3 min read
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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

The one good thing about this pandemic is that a lot of face-to-face interactions have become phone calls.

“But, Malinda! That’s a bad thing!”

When you’re dealing with toxic people, it’s not. If anything, it’s been an enlightening experience for me. I’ve realized…you can just hang up the phone.

“You’re a selfish bitch.” — my mom

“You don’t care about me at all, do you? I’m your mother. I was there for you for years.” — my mom

“If you don’t do X, Y, or Z, you don’t care about me.” — you guessed it, my mom

Plain and simple.

Basically, she’s the definition of toxic. Don’t know the definition of toxic? Let me help you:

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Screenshot by Author from Urban Dictionary

Toxic people play up the victim, compare you to others (like your sister, ugh), give ultimatums, don’t respect boundaries, and drain your energy. That exhaustion you feel isn’t because you need another coffee.

My mom is undoubtedly toxic, and as far as I can tell she always has been.

My sister and I recently disagreed about something stupid that in no way involved my mother.

My sister (somehow) has a close relationship with our mom despite constantly complaining about our mom and told her about the disagreement (keep in mind, we’re both adults).

My mom immediately called me and started screaming at me and cursing me out.

Kudos to her: she got a few words in, but then I simply hung up the phone.

“Did you just hang up on your mom without saying anything?” my fiance asked.

I shrugged, “Yeah. I’m not listening to that.”

But what no one could see was that my heart was pounding at this discovery of how simple it had been to turn off the toxicity. Just a press of a button! It’s that easy! Mindblowing, I know.

And then I went on my merry way. She did text me 20 minutes later, to which I replied.

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Screenshot by Author

Her future texts were silenced by the handy dandy Do Not Disturb feature.

To which I say, so what?

22% of mothers have toxic tendencies. If your mom falls in that 22%, then you understand how frustrating it is that our society seemingly values family bonds more than mental health.

Just because I came out of her vagina doesn’t mean I have to listen to her shout abuse. No one has that right.

To which I say, fuck you.

Now I’m being rude. See the difference?

But what is “rude,” really?

What is “rude” to you is your perception. “Rude” is not measurable by any single standard. And sorry, but you don’t get to make that measurement.

Really, I don’t care if you think I’m rude. And you shouldn’t care if others think you’re rude either.

Protect Your Sanity (Even If It’s “Rude”)

We have a responsibility to ourselves to protect our mental well-being and sanity. No one else is going to do it for us. Not our friends, lovers, or families.

  • You need to realize that you are valuable.
  • You need to be your own number one fan.
  • You need to protect your energy and emotions.

Do not let toxic people in. Not even if they’re your mom. It’s okay to step away or simply hang up the damn phone.

Fearless She Wrote

This is a space to empower differences, tell our stories…

Malinda Fusco

Written by

I write about true crime, history, health, relationships, and self-improvement. | Support my true crime stories here: https://www.patreon.com/pushingdaisies

Fearless She Wrote

This is a space to empower differences, tell our stories, and share our lives together. We will not be silenced. We will be fearless. And we will write.

Malinda Fusco

Written by

I write about true crime, history, health, relationships, and self-improvement. | Support my true crime stories here: https://www.patreon.com/pushingdaisies

Fearless She Wrote

This is a space to empower differences, tell our stories, and share our lives together. We will not be silenced. We will be fearless. And we will write.

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