Sex Still Makes Me Feel Guilty
And it’s not in the fun, sexy way.
I am an unmarried woman in my thirties. The fact that I described myself as “unmarried” should give you a good insight into the world I’m coming from. That’s right. I’m religiously born and bred.
I have a boyfriend. We have sex, make love, fuck, whatever you would like to call it. It’s been a year and we’re talking about marriage. For me, reaching the marriage milestone will mean kicking my guilt forever. And maybe not a minute sooner.
I was raised to believe that sex was reserved for marriage and that you should “save yourself.” I bought into that idea with every ounce of my energy. I had a bumper sticker and everything. But, it started to be tested once I began to actually interact with boys. My first boyfriend claimed to subscribe to this idea too, yet he pushed me beyond what made me comfortable.
I grappled with this belief in my college years, as well. I watched as boys would leave me at parties because I was the “Christian girl.” I watched female friends ditch their V-cards because they didn’t want to be rejected or called a prude. Then, I finally joined them.
Choosing to lose my virginity was something I wanted to do, but I couldn’t let myself ask the question that the Church wanted me to ask: Am I going to go to Hell for…
