The Supposed Disparity of Desire
Challenging the notion that men want sex more than women do
My last intimate relationship was often rocked by the same argument that played out again and again.
“You just don’t care about sex,” my partner complained. “What am I supposed to do when I want it all the time and you don’t?”
I was always shocked by his frustrated proclamation, which was in response to a polite rebuff of his advances. My perspective on the situation was very different: I noticed that he would experience arousal and expect to satisfy it, no matter the location or time of day. It was easy for him — all he had to do was pull down his pants and he could be done in a few minutes if we were being efficient about it.
But I’d have to at least disrobe from the waist down, try to wrangle my wandering thoughts, push aside the deadlines and chores waiting for me, focus, strain, concentrate, make sure I was pleasing him without losing sight of my own orgasm that I knew he would prefer I’d achieve sooner rather than later… And when we were done, I’d be tired and sweaty and have to put my clothes back on, while he’d be fresh and satisfied and only have to pull up his pants and zipper.
So no, as I tried to explain to him, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to have sex. I just didn’t want to…
