To the Women Who Deserve Much More Than They’ve Received

From relationships, from life, and themselves.

Acamea Deadwiler
Dec 3, 2019 · 3 min read
Photo by Jorge Flores on Unsplash

There is indeed fallacy in expectation. It can create a sense of entitlement. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we believe anyone owes us anything. When we think that life should unfold in a desired manner because we’re a good person, have been hurt, or have been dealt so many lemons that we can’t turn them into lemonade fast enough, we can be assured that we’ll soon learn the hard lesson that we don’t always get what we deserve — or even what we’ve earned. This, however, does not lessen the desire.

The problem with expectations is in our application.

I think we have every right to require a certain level of treatment in our relationships and to be rewarded for excellent performance in our careers. However, it’s important to separate this expectation of the situation from any particular person.

If a relationship, job, etc. doesn’t satisfy what we envision, it doesn’t mean that our partner or boss has wronged us somehow. We may just need to reevaluate whether or not we’re in the right circumstance.

Still, too often the woman who gives unyielding loyalty is betrayed.

She who offers unwavering support is left on an island in times of struggle. Women who offer honesty, love and care can find it a challenge to have these considerations returned. To say that such scenarios suck is an understatement.

No one owes us anything but when you give something, naturally it’s difficult to grasp why it isn’t also received. It’s confusing, frustrating, and ultimately, it’s hurtful. It can leave us wondering what more we must do to get reciprocity.

Herein lies the problem. We take the behavior and decisions of others personally, as an indictment on our significance.

When what other people choose to do is almost never about us. This is true in general but especially for women. When we consider all that we must combat, societal views, disproportionate gender roles, unflattering stereotypes and diminishing ideals disguised as “values,” so much more influences the way that we are treated than those aspects within our control.

We can bend over backward, give blood, sweat, and tears and depending on the setting, it will go unnoticed. We can scream, and to some, we’ll still be invisible. Or, it will be acknowledged, we will be seen, yet still not achieve the desired response.

It’s exhausting, to feel as though nothing you do matters much. Why give extra effort, or be kind, loving and supportive if it yields the same results as doing the opposite? I think the answer is, we do it for us. Because the greatest disservice of all is one we do ourselves.

I know what it’s like to feel unappreciated, taken advantage of and disregarded. But to be the best version of ourselves in every situation is something that we do out of personal obligation. It’s a private matter — a deal that we make internally, without regard for external factors. Any point that leads to cheating our destiny, the person we can become and the goals we could achieve is not worth proving. Self-gratification is a noble mission in matters of evolution.

If no one else does, you owe you. I owe me. We owe us.

You are worthy of love even if it seems no one gives it to you. If it feels as though people don’t show up for you, it doesn’t mean you’re not someone for whom others should show up. Your being warrants support and reverence.

The good that you put into the world will return to you. Just keep putting it out there, not for the expectation of reciprocity, but to meet the standard of the woman you’ve worked to be.

Acamea Deadwiler

Written by

Acamea is an event speaker and the author of Single That: Dispelling The Top 10 Myths Of The Single Woman -

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