Understanding Abandonment Fears
Where they come from and how they cripple us
Last night, I dreamt my partner of eleven years abruptly discarded me. In the dream, we were younger, in our 30’s. He was cavalier and indifferent about dissolving our relationship. In the dream, his dismissiveness destroyed me. I wept and wandered aimlessly through a forested area. The pain I experienced was all too familiar, as was the callous persona he displayed. Only the persona wasn’t his.
The relationship I share with him is a drastic departure from what I’ve known. It is reliable, fun, inspiring, creative, committed, and loving. We will be marrying this summer. So why are these relational injuries rearing their ugly head?
Consciously, I know in every fiber of my being that he is an ethical and responsible man. Nevertheless, scars of emotional trauma from childhood and subsequent betrayals die hard. My unconscious fears of abandonment portend that I can lose the love I have. That he will do to me what so many others have done.
The depletion I felt upon waking aroused reflection. My mind wandered onto memories of loss and desertion and landed on a long term relationship with a man whose character matched what was personified in the dream. This former boyfriend exuded ambivalence and self-absorption. His wounds complimented mine. We…
