We Let Fathers Walk and Crucify Mothers Who Can’t Cope
Trial by gender is rampant when it comes to parenting the severely disabled.
In 2001 and after four miscarriages, I finally held a real live baby in my arms. By the time Jack was born I was already terrified of my husband. I resented being followed, controlled, and told what to eat, wear and do. I was ridiculed and threatened, belittled at every opportunity.
I felt trapped but was deceived into believing that a baby would help our marriage. It was foolish. For a while though Jack was a beautiful distraction from the agony of my life. I loved him more than I thought was possible.
I still do.
Jack was a sick baby and slow to reach his milestones. By the time he turned 2 he was mildly developmentally delayed. He started having seizures and by 3 was diagnosed with autism. By 5, he was diagnosed with a severe intellectual disability.
I was constantly reminded of how lucky I was that my husband didn’t leave me. All around me I saw examples of men who left the woman holding the (disabled) baby. Despite the abuse, I felt fortunate, for a while, that he didn’t desert me, leave me to do it all on my own.
Over the next decade, the torture intensified and I finally left him when Jack was…
