What if Survivors See Your Joke?
Satire can be used to make a point, but we need to be careful when it dismisses real pain and trauma.
I follow a satire publication on Facebook. I often chuckle at their posts, but sometimes humor crosses the line into poor taste. One recent headline struck me that way: Rape Victim Serves Jail Time For Misgendering Rapist. (I link it here from their website for reference, but I want to share a perspective, not attack anyone. Allies aren’t won with anger.)
I rarely read the text of these pieces. The photos and captions provide the point, but I clicked on this one to see where they went with it. It describes a fictional woman being arrested and charged with hate crimes for refusing to refer to her male rapist as a woman. It explains about the rapist:
he one time thought for “like, a second” that maybe he could be a woman, but he ultimately changed his mind.
At court, this grants him protection as an oppressed minority, he is released with apologies for his suffering, and his victim is sentenced to years behind bars. The judge says to her:
“Our streets will be a lot safer at night without people like you disturbing the peace.”
hmm…
You might be thinking, “so what?”, but stay with me.
Is this satire?
Satire: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. (Google dictionary)
The article is satirical in that regard. It’s an exaggeration used to make a point about a controversial subject. It touches on current political and social debates, but I would argue that the only group presented in a real light is survivors.
The rapist is some guy who once had a passing thought. He represents no one other than a possibility to be feared. Justice gone wrong. Laws abused. Men claiming to be women to get away with their crimes or be given opportunity to commit more. Does this happen? Could it? That’s another topic, but it wasn’t even this guy’s idea. He does not represent the issue.
But the survivor? Where’s the exaggeration with her? She was assaulted. The legal system protected her rapist. Blame was placed on her shoulders. Society failed her. Too often, that’s reality, and there’s nothing funny about it.
I posted a response
Rape is not something to make light of. It’s a crime that has affected 1 out of 6 American women, and it can leave survivors with lifelong trauma and PTSD. Some victims are prosecuted by a justice system that protects their attackers. It’s not funny, and this type of humor is not something survivors should have to see. Please be considerate of them.
Surely, others would agree or at least appreciate my point. Right?
“If you want to get exercised about something, just wait a couple weeks when this will be a real news headline and not a satire piece.”
“maybe you should ask survivors for their opinion of this article, instead of trying to speak for them. Most survivors will agree with this satirical article.”
“you lost me at “1 out of 6 American women.” Fictional stats are bad no matter how often they are repeated.”
I don’t know these people. I don’t know what’s in their hearts. I won’t name them, because that doesn’t serve any useful purpose. I believe there are many who just don’t understand or realize what’s going on, because that was me.
But wow, not a very supportive crowd…
I’m not a survivor. I don’t speak for survivors. I don’t get to make the rules. But I am an ally, and this article bothered me. I could simply delete my comment and move on, but maybe there are those who will appreciate it. I’ll leave it there for them.
What’s the big deal? Who does this hurt?
There’s nothing special or unusual about that article, but I think it’s representative of a problem. When it comes to survivors of sexual assault, our culture doesn’t get it. We don’t understand. We write satire pieces to make our points about the issues important to us, and we use survivors as context.
We treat survivors like they’re just another group.
Does anyone take offense when we joke about customer service reps or politicians? Lawyers? Bosses? It depends on the content, but on average these groups are pretty safe. They’re comprised of people with a whole range of experiences, many of whom don’t even reflect the stereotypes being referenced.
How about satire regarding minorities or religious groups? These are trickier. Feelings can be hurt. Intolerances, prejudices, and hurtful attitudes are displayed. Many of us tread lighter.
Wounded veterans? People with disabilities? Parents grieving the loss of a child? Humor is not generally acceptable. We offer sympathy.
So why are survivors fair game? Like those last groups above, they have something in common; some combination of pain, trauma, and PTSD from the crimes committed against them.
“Survivor” is not a chosen profession. It’s not a belief. It’s not a characteristic inherited at birth. It’s a title forced upon it’s bearer, and from everything I’ve seen so far of the survivor community, they don’t joke about it. They don’t think it’s funny. They don’t laugh when someone makes light of rape or assault.
And why would they? Survivors are trying to heal. These are things they often don’t want to think about or talk about. Memories they’d rather not be reminded of. If they do find humor, that’s their right and their privilege, not anyone else’s.
So is it a good idea to publish a satirical article based on survivors? Is it a good idea to give them a reminder of their pain and reality, while minimizing everything they are and everything they’ve been through? I don’t think so.
But will survivors speak up? Will they comment? Will they tell anyone if they were hurt by reading? Some will. Some are fearless, willing, and able to advocate and fight those battles. But others?
How many survivors will see an article like that and feel the trauma welling up? How many will force a smile while people laugh and joke around them unaware? How many will say nothing because that’s what society pressures them to do?
We don’t believe them. We don’t support them. We don’t help them. We don’t stand up for them. They are bombarded with those messages every day. If not in words, then in actions. They see it in the workplace, in church, in school, everwhere. #MeToo didn’t start for no reason.
Final word
This is just my opinion. It’s how I see it. Those responses I received are from only a handful of people, and no one speaks for everyone. I got this one too:
“What this article does is point out the absurdity of putting the perpetrator’s feelings before the victim’s. Which, as a survivor, I appreciate.”
Case in point; I don’t speak for survivors. I speak for what I believe is right in how we treat them. I believe we as a society need to be more considerate, educated, understanding, supportive, and empathetic. The list goes on, and the application is wider than I’m addressing here.
I’m not going to win over hearts and minds by attacking others or arguing with strangers in social media comments. I said what I said in my reply to that article, and people can take it or leave it, but from the responses I received, it’s no wonder so many survivors keep quiet.
Note: I sent the draft of this piece to some survivors I know, and they agreed with my take on the article.
Related reads:
I just spelled out my issues with that satire piece, yet I’ve written my own article with a sarcastic title. The difference is in the content and the purpose:
If you really want to see my heart for survivors, check this out:
