What Is Love?

Sarah Arscott
Jul 13, 2020 · 3 min read

By definition, love is an intense feeling of deep affection, and great interest and pleasure in something and/or someone.

But, what is love to you? What does it look like, and how do you define it? We are going through a time where human beings are required to do some serious self-reflection. So, I’ll ask again.

What is love to you?

Is love…

Ownership? Does your love feel granted permission to oversee and control every detail of your existence when you are with them? If so, why?

This is toxic.

Does your love feel uncomfortable? Our minds often require more time to discover what our heart already knows.

Please follow your heart.

Do you receive or give insufficient support? Do you often feel as though you cannot turn to your love?

This is a lonely road. Evaluate this.

Does your love come with ceaseless control issues? Think about this. If one person is in control, or a constant tug-of-war is going on, you’re spending too much energy navigating your relationship.

Reconsider this.

Does your love face constant challenges? I am not a relationship specialist, but I do know that all relationships go through challenges, do you work through them? Or do you neglect them?

I urge you to evaluate this.

Does your love undermine you? Does your love make you feel less confident, less powerful, or less likely to succeed?

You deserve better. Love yourself.

Do you feel as though your love may not be reassuring? Does your love tell you that they are proud of you? That you inspire them? That they believe in you? If not, my heart hurts for you.

You deserve better. Please do not settle for this.

Does your love feel draining? Instead of feeling happy and productive, do you often feel mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained?

This is incredibly unhealthy. Please evaluate this.

Does your love take, and not give? Are there withdrawals of energy without deposits leaving others in the negative?

You deserve better.

Does your love lack communication? Without communication, relationships become pointless.

Evaluate this.

Does your love lack trust? Given that with a lack of trust, a relationship will lead to nowhere.

Keep this in mind.

Is your love occupied with imbalance? A one-sided relationship can never run smoothly.

Please reconsider this.

Does your love revolve around nonstop narcissism? If the other party’s interest in the relationship is just a reflection of him or herself, it becomes impossible to achieve any kind of balance.

This is extremely toxic. Do not accept this.

Do you negotiate with love?

Does your love have boundaries? Are both you and your partner able to find ways to meet each other’s needs that make you both comfortable?

This is important.

Is your love filled with lots of communication? Can you both share your feelings, even when you disagree, in a way that makes each other feel heard?

Cherish this.

Does your love come with space? Do you both take the time to pursue your interests and friendships? Do you grow as individuals?

This is so important.

Does your love bring you joy? Do you have laughter and fun? Life can get messy, and relationships aren’t always easy, but if yours is mostly happy, you are on the right track.

Hold this feeling close to your heart.

Does your love treat you with kindness? Consideration? Empathy and Appreciation?

Cherish this. Let your love know how much they mean to you.

Does your love come with trust? Building trust takes time and allows us to be vulnerable with one another.

Trust is everything. Never take this for granted.

Is your love intimate? Do you feel connected — in and out of the bedroom?

This is so important. Never lose this.

Is your love your safe place? A stable place to come home to at the end of the day?

Tell your love how much you appreciate them.

— — — —

If your love is healthy and thriving, I hope that you cherish this every day, and when your love no longer serves you, I hope that you are strong enough to walk away and heal your soul.

You deserve this, love.

Fearless She Wrote

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