The Omelette: The Grossest Jackass Moment
A quick recap of a moment you’re lucky you’ve missed.
I am a 24-year-old man. I do not need to tell you that I grew up on MTV’s Jackass and have been a lifelong fan.
Just like you, I’ve laughed, I’ve gagged, and I’ve winced and cringed more times than I can count when watching the loveable gang get up to their shenanigans.
But something about The Omelette really hit different.
I mainly grew up watching the movies because the show was hard to find. If you didn’t have the DVD box set, you were pretty much SOL. Hell, that still applies today. You can find clips only, but nothing comprehensive.
Well, little me grew up to be big me and I bought the box set a while back. I’ve been digging into it as some self-assigned homework before Jackass Forever comes out, (I’ve also been playing the Jackass PS2, which is surprisingly difficult.)
When I stumbled upon The Omelette, I couldn’t believe what I was watching. It really hit a new level of gross.
Fade into Dave England wearing a chef’s coat and a silly little hat. Now, I’ve seen Dave England do some gross ass shit: who could forget the time he took a dump in a hardware store’s display toilet? Or I think that was the first time I saw one of the cameramen throw up. Or The Volcano?
I don’t really associate the more elaborate pranks with Dave, usually just pee and poo.
So if Dave is cooking, it can only be bad. Johnny Knoxville is dressed in a hazmat suit and it doesn’t seem like that getup is entirely for a bit.
Sure enough, he proceeds to do one of the grossest things ever performed on the show.
He tells us he’s making an omelet. He starts with a red onion. I love onions significantly more than most people and maybe I’ve fantasized about taking a bite out of one like an apple (yes, I love them that much), but I would never do that because…it’s gross.
Dave bites right into the onion, scales and all. He does the same thing with a tomato, but he is sure to remove the sticker beforehand. Mushrooms. Uncooked sausage. Bell peppers.
Half a stick of butter.
He starts to gag.
A big gulp of milk. Not enough dairy? A big bite from a block of cheese.
Then, just like Rocky Balboa, three raw eggs down the hatch. Except he can’t really seem to get them down — he can’t stop gagging.
This is when I start too.
He then, in classic Jackass fashion, makes himself puke it all back up into a bowl.
“Cooking is such a pleasure,” he gurgles out from behind the vomit.
He pours his concoction into a frying pan…and begins cooking up his omelet.
Before you get a chance to say, “God that must smell like shit,” it cuts to Knoxville doubled over. It doesn’t seem like the hazmat suit is doing much to help the overwhelming stench.
And then, yes, he does it. He eats the omelet. And it doesn’t seem to bother him too much. Boy does it bother me, it might be one of the grossest things I’ve ever seen. It just looks so…slimy? Clammy? Moist?
Here’s the real kicker: He did it again. Later on in the series. He actually did that shit again. I’ve read that Steve-O eats that one — I wouldn’t know. I can’t bring myself to watch it. I’ve seen Steve-O throw up plenty of times, but something about eating someone else’s vomit is just too far for me.
I will never be able to forget this. And now you won’t either.
Thank God for Jackass.
I’m seeing Jackass Forever tonight. May it truly live on forever and ever.