Life as a Mother

The statement that people will hear most mom’s make is; “A mother’s job is never done.” This statement couldn’t be more true. The life as a mother is filled with every emotion any personal could even attempt to imagine. Yet, it’s also one of the most rewarding experiences of someone’s life. Being a mom isn’t just about being a mom. A mom and wife will have every possible job that multiple people will have and a mom is only one person. It’s also a job that is the most selfless job of any person.

A Mother’s job is never done

This job there is no such thing as a time clock, sick days, vacation days, two 15 minute breaks. There is not a day where someone can bet it’s just a normal routine day. Being a mother you never truly know what your day is going to entitle. Their truly is not enough hours in one day to even accomplish everything that is needing to be done. At times, your lucky if you get a full night of sleeping without being woke up or your sleep cycles being disrupted. If your a mom that can wear a white shirt for a day with your children and not have to be using bleach, or a stain remover than hats off to you. I haven’t been able to accomplish that task yet myself.

Many jobs/duties of a Mom

When your a mom, even a working mom you have many different jobs. Yet, the jobs at home tend to be more in demand than your job you get paid to go to.

Job List of Mom:

A taxi

A cook

A maid

A laundry service

Teacher

Counselor

Referee (more often than we would like)

Nurse

The hug after a bad day

Scares the monsters away

Story teller

The biggest fan

Disciplinary

Enemy(when they don’t get their way)

The mending a broken heart

The team captain

The organizer

Party planner

Photographer

Shoulder to cry on

The safe place to lay

Best friend

The list could go on and on with the many duties or jobs that a mom truly has that most do not understand.

Hardest Part

Many times also, that our children or spouse even know we question or doubt ourselves. Being a mom is a constant battle of wondering if your doing the best you can do. If your teaching your child right, or being the best example to lead them? If you are a bad mom, or can say your a good mom? Or the biggest question I ask myself more than I’d care to admit is, how many mistakes am I making at trying to make my children be amazing adults? Us moms have so much self doubt within ourselves and we keep it to ourselves most of the time.

Questioning yourself as a mother means your doing something right

I’ve been shocked at my two oldest sons of my six children. Seeing the young boys they have become shocks me more often than someone would think. Here, I question myself so much, than I see what my pre-teen does or acts and I realize I’m doing pretty good. He will be 13 next year and his teachers, coaches and friends parents give me the best compliments. Many times I’d have those thoughts of well you don’t live with him. Which most of us parents will say. He isn’t getting into trouble and he gives his all with everything he does.

Now if anyone has advice about this girl crazy phase he’s starting to get into than I’m all ears!

Give yourself a break

Us women are truly are worst critics. Sit back and look at your growing children. I feel like I blinked and my oldest is going to be a teenager. I’m wondering where the time went. Nobody said being a parent was going to be easy and we all know our children didn’t come with instructions or a manual. So, with that being said look at your children and listen to those compliments from others. That is your proof that you truly are being an amazing parent, mother or single parent. We loved them when we carried them, and we will love them until it’s our time to leave this world. Be proud of what amazing accomplishments you have done because your children will forever be your greatest achievement.

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When I was a single mom of two boys, I never realized I was making a mistake in parenting with my oldest of my children. I expected more out of my oldest and I expected him to do it all. I never realized that I was harder on my oldest and my youngest I didn’t hold accountable for his own actions. My oldest would try and talk to me but he said I never listened to what he would say because I was always too busy. I wasn’t consistent with him or either because there were days, I was exhausted. Maintaining a home alone, making all the meals, never getting a break, working full-time than coming home and being a mom. It was exhausted. Always the first one awake and the very last one to go to sleep. My oldest and I started having those parent child arguments that were horrible. He started resenting me, and I never realized that I was pushing him away by singling him out more than his younger sibling. One day I realized what I was doing as the man I was dating pointed my own actions out to me. Thinking you are doing the best you can as a mother and learning that this small unknown mistake was happening and had been happening. I had to learn to listen to him, because he felt like I never truly listened to him. Learning to treat my two children equally and hold them both accountable of their own actions. Allowing my oldest to focus on being a kid, instead of helping me. Talk about a hard lesson to learn about something I never realized I was doing.

Single moms do not have it easy. Many times, they are questioning themselves about their own parenting. They often question if they have the strength to do it all, and question if they are doing the best they can as a parent.

Ladies, you all need to understand one thing. It’s ok to be overwhelmed, it’s ok to question yourself, it’s ok to even at times wonder if your failing. All those feelings do is push you to want to push yourself and never give up. Biggest thing is don’t make that one big mistake that sneaks in there without a warning. We all get this thought without realizing that the oldest child can handle more than the younger children. This is not the case; all children need to be equaled and for moms to realize the younger children are growing up and getting older. That one mistake creates the oldest to become resentful of their siblings, and the relationship between the mother and the oldest child has more distance and strain than a closeness.

After realizing my own mistakes, I worked hard to change it. I had to remind myself it’s ok if there are dishes that need to be cleaned my children want to go spend time together even at a park. My children want to go for a walk, my children want me to watch their football practice. Doing those small things and understanding your house doesn’t have to be perfect because making good memories with your children is more important. My relationship with my oldest now is better than ever, and it’s done a complete 180. He even laughs if he gets called a “mommas’ boy” he sees nothing wrong with that name. Making memories with my children are more important than fighting with them over something that really wasn’t that important. However, being overwhelmed of all the responsibilities that were there because of being a single mother was what create the biggest issues.

It’s ok to question yourself as a mot

her, and even more so as a single parent. Those questions are ok to have about yourself because you’re not a superhero even though we try to be.

It’s NOT ok to worry more about the house chores at home and forget about going out even to do something that doesn’t cost any money and make those memories great with your children. The house chores is a never ending story, yet your children will not be these ages forever. So, remember to go do something even small that your children have been wanting to do. Go sit and have a tea party or try and play some video game that you do not understand, go read a quick story, or have a day where you do your daughters nails. Go for a walk with your children or go watch those sport practices. Doing simple things such as those with your children will make that mother-child relationship unbreakable. House chores will not be going anywhere, so it’s ok to not allow the overwhelming responsibilities that are on single mothers every day and go spend time with your children doing something they want and laughing and making memories that will last forever for our children.

Remember, moms give yourself a break. You are doing the hardest job there is, and it’s not going to be easy. Having the unbreakable bond with your children is what makes it worth the stress.

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Getting married because that is what people think is the right thing to do, truly damages a person emotionally. The damage can be so bad when you finally find that someone your meant to be with the fear of marriage makes giving excuses for the reasons why a marriage shouldn’t happen that much easier to believe or say. This has happened to me.

Women can hold grudges and loose their temper easily, women can be pushy, needy, and women will get jealous, yet, women still believe in love. Well, most women believe in real love. Most wont admit it, but they still believe or hope that they will find that special someone they can grow old with and love happily ever after. Yet, men once they had that one female that broke them down than they see more excuses of why they shouldn’t be with someone else instead of the reasons why they should be. It at times doesn’t even matter if that female has fought to stay there for that guy. More often than not, by the time the man realizes that she was real and stuck by him it’s too late.

I was doing a assignment for my psychology class just the other day. I came across this TED talk episode with a psychiatrist explaining how to have a successful marriage. In this episode the man, George Blair-West explained that you should wait to get married. That our brains are not done growing and developing until age 25. So, how someone is at 20-years-old is not how they will be at 30-years-old. He explained that when he meets a couple or person who married young and is getting divorced and he will ask what happened most of the time the statement, “we just grew apart” is completely accurate. That marrying young as you grow and become older and more into your adult years your likes, dislikes, beliefs and even personalities will change during this time. Typically your spouse and self no longer have much in common. This made complete sense to me. I had my first child at 21-years-old, was married by 22-years-old, had my second son at 23-years-old and was divorced at 25-years-old. I was married to a man who is 14 years older than myself. We were at two different areas in our lives and now I understand why it wasn’t going to be successful. While I was experiencing many of my firsts, he had already done them. Becoming a young single mother is what taught me more in adulthood than most people can imagine. Although, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Fast forward to life now. Finding that person that I felt I was created for, the person I’m supposed to grow old with, and be with forever. Well, he also got married young and had children young. His first marriage broke him down in the worse way. It feels like no matter what I do, he will always have some type of excuse as to why we shouldn’t get married. Some people including him will make the comments of how marriage is only just a piece of paper. No, that isn’t correct.

Marriage is having a real commitment with someone. Being true to them, being a family, growing old together, being able to have that someone who you can lay down next to and the stresses of the day are forgotten. It’s also showing children today that marriage does and can have happy endings. I don’t want my children to be afraid to get married, I want my children to see marriage as I do because of how it use to be. So, what do I do if the excuses don’t ever stop and he continues to find a reason why marriage shouldn’t happen? Just deal with being labeled as a girlfriend for the rest of your life. That’s a hard choice. If you have found someone who sticks it out with you through the arguments, through life, through everything and they aren’t going anywhere than open your eyes and don’t just believe they will always put up with being at arms length.

Stop finding excuses or making excuses of why it can’t happen, and realize why it should. Not every guy is the same as your ex, and not every female is the same as their ex. Their truly are people out there that will help pick up the pieces and love you for the damaged individual someone might be.

Instead of making excuses out of fear, take the chance and appreciate the one who is waiting for you to wake up.

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Still raising boys can be all these negatives, but you can’t forget the positives and those outweigh any of the bad. Raising boys is rewarding. Raising boys is incredible and teaches you what more about yourself than you could imagine. Raising boys as a mother shows you what being loyal is all about. When you're a mother of boys you learn a new meaning about loyalty. Your sons’ will protect you, your sons’ will come to you for everything. Your sons’ will show you the true meaning love. Raising boys is one of the most rewarding jobs any mother/woman could have. As for myself, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What scares me as a mother of boys is when the day comes and they start dating. How do you react to that?

Those are my boys, not someone else’s. My oldest son, I call him my teenager just because of his attitude, he’s actually my pre-teen he’s 12. Not that far off from being an actual teenager. He’s what I say, “my big bad middle schooler/jr higher.” Sweetest boy you could ever meet, who loves playing football and is a beast to watch on the field, and love baseball after his great-grandpa. Those are the two sports he has kept playing and loves to play. He gives his heart on the field and plays with his passion for the sport as his motivation and drive.

This year for school shopping was horrible as a mother realizing her sweet little boy isn’t so little anymore. This was the first year that we walked into the store and he took off just bringing his own clothes to the cart. Down to it took him 30 minutes to find the exact socks that he wanted. Talk about an eye-opener. I’m buying him hair gel, and cologne, and a specific toothpaste face cleanser. All these things that never mattered before, well, they matter now. It’s insane.

In my mind I’m yelling, “You are A BOY WHY DOES THIS MATTER, IS IT REALLY THIS COMPLICATED?”

I asked him why all of a sudden this even mattered. His reply was simply, “Mom is mattered to you, you don’t leave the house without your hair and make-up done perfectly, and you always look beautiful. So why shouldn’t I see this and feel just because I’m a boy I shouldn’t feel that same way?”

Crickets, that’s all you could hear was crickets because I had no response to that. I had no come back to why it should be different. At the same time, this was what I realized that I’m raising my boys right even as a single mom which I was for a long time. I’ve been raising the men of tomorrow. I’m proud of that.

My own mother, just recently referred to my children as “bastard children, that are unwanted and nobody cares about.” I have the email to prove that statement from just yesterday.

She can say whatever she wants to say. Point being is my children are not unwanted and are not poison. In fact, they are growing up to be men that I’m proud of the fact that I raised. My boys are incredible and surprise me every day at the men they are becoming. I have their teachers tell me that they can’t remember the last time they were referred to as “Ma’am.” I hold my children to a different standard. This standard is respect. I will respect them until they create a reason for that respect to not be a reason.

My children have at times made me question myself. They have at times made me close the door and cry. They laugh because the couple times I ever “spanked” them they would catch me crying in the bathroom. That was years ago, and that isn’t something that ever happens or takes place. I have a 5 foot 12-year old and a 4’9″ 10-year old that teases me with the fact they will soon be as tall as me. That’s ok, I’m still mom and never has it ever been a fear that they will ever try and hurt me. If anything my boys are extremely protective of me, and they also know, that even when no one else has their back their mom will always have their back..

My boys have taught me more about myself in my adult life then any relationship, divorce, marriage, and life could ever teach me. They have made me a better woman, mother, and person. Because of these two boys, I am who I am today. That is something I will be in debt to them for the rest of my own life. Being a mother of boys is a blessing in disguise.

For all you mothers of boys, be glad and pat yourself on the back. You are surviving wrestle mania in your living room, those awkward doctor appointments because they hurt something. Be proud of the mother you are, because raising boys is not for the fainted heart. It takes a strong woman to raise boys to be men.

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Becoming a mother after seeing the mother you had is the hardest task any woman can endure. Our mothers are supposed to teach us how to be a mother when it’s time. That isn’t always the case, even after many wishes we had different mothers.

The mother I had made it to where I never wanted to be a parent. I never imagined my life as a mother, because she would tell me horrible stories about what my grandma did to her and I didn’t want to end up that way. I was afraid of becoming a mom, I was afraid of giving my children the abusive life my mother said she had, and what would happen to me.

Yet, this was when I found out I was pregnant and terrified. My mother tried to convince me to abort my child. She had done it twice with my father and once with her first husband so to her it was not a big deal. This I couldn’t do, I couldn’t go and kill this child when I also was at fault for having this child in the wrong way. Under the wrong circumstances. So I chose to have my child because I would stand next to the fact that I was pregnant and this child deserved a chance at life.

Having a mother that defines a narcissistic mother was not easy. She would mentally, verbally and emotionally abuse me. Always wanting to play the victim to make it seemed that she had a daughter that was worthless, that was a whore, a joke, and a miserable excuse to society. This can be proven in recent emails from her. All because her “boss: saw a recent blog and she takes care of elder people now, even going to capital in California to fight for their rights. Yet, this same woman was upset her flight would be delayed leaving Arizona because she needed to see her dealer which she always stated which was apart of Hell's Angels when she got her car so she could even deal with the elderly people.

What I know about Hell’s Angels is they protect children of abuse. So they would hurt me for not protecting a mother that abused me as a child? My grandpa's funeral she pulled out a brick of meth, that she stated she received from Hell’s Angels and that was how she could cope. That’s a mother?

A mother is not someone when you graduate high school, your gift is an 8-ball of meth. Yet, this same mother is one who packs meth into pill capsules in order to get through the airport checkpoints. Then blames touching a gun to why there is an unknown powder on her hands, yet, she handled her capsules full of the drugs.

A mother doesn’t try to spread lies about their child, a mother isn’t someone who sends law enforcement to their home to back their lies, then blame the child because now they have a warrant and are facing charges for lying to police. This is not a mother. This is a joke!

A mother is not someone who goes and tells their family or friends they want to kill themselves because of their child. Really? Then the same people want to threaten the child and state if they kill themselves they are held accountable. That is a joke, a fraud, a manipulator. That is what my mother is, to the T>

How dare you put this on your child. Your no mother, your a joke. A miserable excuse as a woman.

Seeing men walk up and randomly kiss her, then tell me that’s how friends great each other. That’s not a mother. That’s a black widow.

It’s a mother like that which I had, that has made me become the best mother I could possibly be. I have my faults, yet, my children aren’t going to school in knock-off boots or shoes with holes in them. My children aren’t being made fun of because they are getting school supplies from their teacher. My children aren’t being made fun of because they can’t have clothes that look like trash. Thankfully I didn’t have girls to where my daughters are changing in gym class and their bra is a plastic wrap. That is the mother I had. This is what I endured in my childhood. Now, I have a mother that wants to find ways to throw their only child in jail in order to play the victim.

Good for her, fighting for the elderly people’s rights, now. Where were my rights growing up?

Being thrown in a shelter because she abused me so much. Yet, I’m the problem. This is not a mother and never will be.

A mother should be your protector and that one you run to for everything. A mother is your everything and your security. That is the mother I ensure that I am. I will never be a mother like I had, and I’m great with that.

My children will not have a childhood they have to heal from. Instead, my children will have a childhood that they learned how a parent should be.

BREAK THAT MEMORIES OF THE CHILDHOOD YOU HAD. TODAY IS NEW A DAY, SO GIVE YOUR CHILDREN THE CHILDHOOD YOU WISHED YOU HAD. GIVE YOUR CHILDREN A MEMORY THAT MAKES THEM SMILE INSTEAD OF ONE THAT BRINGS THEM NIGHTMARES. BRING THEM JOY. THAT IS HOW WE OVERCOME THOSE NIGHTMARES. THAT IS HOW WE GROW, BE BETTER MOTHER THEN THOSE WHO HAD THE WORSE.

DEDICATED TO MY MISERABLY EXCUSE AS A MOTHER, LISA DENISE. I STILL HATE THE FACT I BARE HER MIDDLE NAME.

It always manages to be the wrong comment. I still manage to make those without even thinking, we all know that never end wells. Still manages to end in a disagreement with your partner. Sometimes, even after years it’s still hard to overcome and stop those comments from coming out in the wrong words. That’s my biggest problem, I’ll say something meaning it to sound one way, but that attitude comes out and is completely wrong.

What sucks is when those happen then you both go to bed irritated with the other because of the disagreement that took place. Both on your phones and ignoring the other.

That’s the hardest part in a relationship is ignoring each other no cuddling, no goodnight kiss, or I love you. Just silence, that awkward silence. Then as you fight to go to sleep everything rushes through your mind and that’s never a good thing. That’s when overthinking comes into play. At that point no one is ever right.

I have my thoughts and my partner has his. Neither are right! That’s for sure, because the thoughts of the situation are one sided. Seems like seeing the other persons part is not something that happens anymore.

Sex life begins to fade, cuddling because nonexistent, and life gets in the way.

I have found the man I want to spend my life with, and he asked for me to marry him twice actually do to other reasons. Both times I said yes. Now, their are constant excuses as to why we shouldn’t get married from his side. It’s always stuff that I don’t understand and shows he only focuses on negatives. That bothers me more than anything. I’d marry him tomorrow, but he doesn’t want to marry me, that’s what it seems. When all I hear of excuses, constantly!

All those thoughts of; what’s wrong with me, why can’t I be perfect, what do I need to change?

I know at times what’s our biggest problem is, he feels if he doesn’t see his kids bad behavior then he won’t do anything about that. As for myself, I was a single mom raising boys so I’ve always been strict. I was that way for a reason and all someone has to tell me, an adult is the bad behavior my boys did and I will handle it. I don’t believe in physical force, I won’t ever do that. I can discipline my children without physical force and I will continue to be that. Yet, my partner he at times let’s his children walk on water here and then when he’s at work my day can be a constant battle because they don’t care and know their dad isn’t here. He didn’t see it… I don’t agree with that. Today he did come home and spoke to them about their behavior. After they got away with it for a week. For myself, the first day I’m informed it’s corrected, I won’t put up with it.

Well a disagreement came into play because I made a wrong comment regarding his ex. Of course the way the comment came out was not how I was trying to imply it, but it the wrong words is what happened.

Door gets shut and disagreement takes place. Then it comes into more excuses as to the reason we won’t get married. So wearing a ring on my finger that holds no purpose gets frustrating to me. Can’t ever see the positives.

How do you handle that?

How do you accept that your only worth the label as a girlfriend?

How do you continue to be devoted?

How do you cope?

So many questions and thoughts. So no choice but to lay in the silence and pretend your asleep until they are so you can try and clear your own mind.

Relationships are extremely hard and seems it’s even harder in a combine family. Especially when the other side ignores everything regarding their children. Children are children and we can’t control everything. What matters is being a team and fixing them. We have 6 children so that alone is not an easy task.

Now wearing a ring on your finger that holds no purpose, and only hearing all the excuses as why marriage won’t happen; that is a different type of upset.

Can only manage what you can control. All I can control is myself and my actions. All I can control is my emotions. I’m far from a perfect women, and I still even now will say those wrong things. I’m good at being imperfect. I wish for him I could be and the excuses didn’t happen. I just have to accept what is.

Love is hard, love will hurt someone more than anything.

All you can do is control yourself, you have no control over the other people. Maybe someday those excuses will go away and I’ll get my happy ending.

God knows all the pain and struggles I’ve been through. Finally with my best friend and still find ways to mess it up. Someday I’ll get my happy ending and show my boys that those do come true.

My grandparents were married for very long.

Marriage is not just a piece of paper. Marriage is a commitment, it’s a life, it’s a devotion. It’s a happy ending. It’s sharing a last name, being a family and growing old together. It’s someone referring to you as Mrs. Instead of Ms. marriage is a blessing. Someday he may wake up and realize that. Instead of remembering all the bad his ex did that ruined him on it.

Maybe someday….

In the meantime for the first time in my life, he’s worth the wake no matter how hard and destroying it is to me. I’m strong so I can handle it. I’ll keep waiting for the day the excuses are gone, maybe then I’ll be perfect.

Maybe someday….

Someday I’ll finally be able to marry my best friend who I lay next to every night.

Someday he will stop using excuses

Someday I’ll be good enough.

Maybe someday the ring on my finger won’t be meaningless

Maybe someday…

This is one of the hardest situations to be in with yourself. It’s easier to hold onto the hate and a grudge than to forgive those who hurt you. With my own personal experience, this task or lesson took me the longest to learn. It was easier to protect myself by holding on to that grudge; after a while, it’s obvious all that does is hold yourself back from being fully capable of moving forward in your own life.

In my own life, I was never the best person to forgive anyone. It was a protection technique that I adapted towards and was great at. After a while, all those grudges I would hold against those who did hurt me did nothing but rent the space in my mind and judgment for free. I was giving these people that power over myself. They didn’t deserve this. No one should have that power over your own judgement and mind. That is yours and yours alone.

Just recently I was forced to do this same task yet again, in forgiving someone who has hurt me multiple times throughout my entire life. My own mother. My mother and I have never had the best relationship. Growing up she was either wanting to be my best friend or my worse enemy. My mother cared more about her friends, whom she did the drugs with, or her animals because she was in the Veterinarian field. She would leave me in the car sitting outside these friends of her house for hours because I wasn’t allowed to go inside due to what was taking place. I have more bad memories with my own mother then I do great memories. She was mentally, physically and verbally abusive, and for the longest time in my adult life, her own words have haunted me. She informed me that her biggest mistake as a mother was not aborting me when she had that chance. I’ve tried many times to have a relationship with her because now I was a mother and wanted or hoped that she would be a better grandmother than she ever was a mother. Don’t get me wrong, she’s great at sending them amazing over the top gifts for Christmas, but she has no idea who her grandsons truly are, or who her step-grand-kids truly are. However, she’s amazing when it comes to her own friends and to animals and I won't deny her of that. I’ve held a grudge towards her for most of my life, then I let go and try again at a relationship. This last time was the last straw with her, that just happened a month or so ago. She did something towards me that there will never be another chance at her and I having a relationship. She did an unforgivable act towards me, but, now after a month, I’ve had to forgive her in order to move forward within my own life. My mother was always really good at playing the victim. She would get anyone who would listen to the impression that she was a victim because her only child is a piece of crap ( for a lack of better words). A lot of what she would say was lies or in ways that she didn’t inform them of all the parts within the situation. She would just tell them about the arguments that would take place once I got fed up with her verbal abuse and degrading that I would finally fight back. I’ve always been this person that would just allow people to say whatever they wanted and never contact those same groups and defend myself or defend the truth and facts. I’m used to her doing this because it’s happened my entire life. This time though, my mother did this to someone that I can never speak to again because they have passed away. My grandmother, her mother. My grandma and grandpa her parents were a huge part of my life. I spent every summer with them. I truly believe the fact that I was with them so much is the second reason I never ended up in the system, the other would be my stepfather. My mother went to my grandma as she was dying and told her all these lies. I never, of course, tried to tell my side or the truth. I called my grandmother to say goodbye and she lashed out on me. Said things to me that she had never said before, then hung up on me and told me I needed to stay dead to the family. She died two days later. I kept my mother's secret my entire life about her drug addiction, and the abuse and the cast iron skillet she would beat me with. I kept all these secrets and never told her parents, they just felt her and I fought because “we were too much alike.” This was not the truth. Now both of her parents are gone, and those last words my grandma said to me, haunt me. This only happened a month ago. I lost sleep over this, it affected me emotionally, and mentally. I became distracted in my own life. What my mother did, she knows she did and that was the only way for her to hurt me, as if she hasn’t hurt me enough throughout my entire life. Even through it all, yes there will never be another chance of a relationship between my mother and myself or her grandchildren. What she did this time is something that I can’t just forget about and I won't. However, I had to dig down deep within myself and forgive my mother for this act. The reason why is because that would be the only way to move forward. I still ensure that I will be a better mother to my children than she ever could be. I have vowed to my children and promised to myself that I will never continue her behaviors and actions and I will break that habit because I’m not her, and I never will be her. So by forgiving her, isn’t for herself, it’s for myself. I will move forward from this and the only way is by forgiving her. So, I forgive my mother for everything she ever has done that hurt me, I won't make excuses for them because she’s an adult, and I won't forgive her in hopes of a relationship, I will forgive her because I deserve this. I wish her the best in the world, and that she finds happiness one day. I wish her no ill feelings and don’t wish harm upon her. Moving forward within my own life, means I forgive Lisa for everything. Knowing she won't ever be sorry or mean it and that’s OK because this is making me a stronger person, woman, mother, wife, and giving me freedom. I understand she can never tell me she’s proud of me. That’s fine… I hold no hatred in my heart for her, but I don’t wish things could be different anymore. I’m done waiting for her to be the mother I wish she was. That isn’t what matters. What matters is mine and my children’s happiness. Lisa, I forgive you….

Another person I have to forgive for what has happened is my big sister. We are half-sisters, same dad but different moms. My entire life she’s been that person where I was the big sister, while she just wanted the label. She would be one way to my face, then go to everybody else and do nothing but degrade, and speak extremely bad about me in order for others to believe I was this horrible person, family, and mother. Whenever I would confront her because I thought it would do anything that would result in a fight or war or whatever someone wants to call it. It would just fuel the fire for her to continue doing this. I have tried many times to be there for her, help her, whatever she needed. Nothing mattered, even after spending a few days in my house with my combined family for Christmas, she goes back and does it all again. That same day she returned home she did the same routine she always has done. All it has done is showed me, that, I can never be perfect or deserve respect. Again, that’s OK because I forgive her as well. Not so we can move forward and be a family, this won't happen and the past proves this. Her friends and the people she can be fake in front of but do the same to them without them ever knowing this is what matters to her. I’m forgiving her for myself, I will not hold hatred in my heart and within myself for her. Again, I wish her the best and hope she finds happiness. We won't ever be a family and I’m good with it and have accepted this, I do forgive her for everything, and this is all that matters at the end of the day. I’m able to move forward by not holding grudges. Instead, I’m holding positive reassurance to myself.

Forgiving someone who will never truly be sorry for the pain they have caused is not something you do for them. This is something you do for yourself. When you hold onto these grudges all it’s doing is affecting your life more then it will ever affect their life. Is that really what or how you want to live?

That answer should always be NO!

This act your doing does not make you weak. Instead, it makes you a stronger person. This makes you a better person. This helps you grow as a person, a parent. At the end of the day what matters is your children, and yourself. You can never change someone who sees no issue in their actions. You can never force someone to be a better person. That isn’t your right to even attempt to do this. Instead, you need to do this within yourself and apart of this means forgiving those without an actual meaningful apology. It’s one of the hardest things to do for yourself, but understand this will give you undeniable growth within yourself.

Focusing on all that negative behavior prevents the positives from shining through. Stop preventing the positives and only focusing on negatives. Life is a beautiful thing, and when I’m old and my children are grown and have their own children I want to be sitting on my porch and remembering nothing but all the best memories that bring a smile to my face. I want that life for myself and my family here in my household. I can’t change anyone else, I can just forgive them for the negatives and move forward. Those chapters are closed and that I can’t change and that is not a priority anymore. I’m a mother first, and will always be that. I’m not that little girl anymore that needs anyone. When times got rough I only had myself to depend on. For a while, I felt I could only trust myself. Now, I’m a mother, and I vow to be the best mother I can be. Holding onto the past prevents growth.

Stop preventing growth because the past is holding you back by not forgiving for yourself, and moving forward. Focus on the positives and important areas. Nobody else matters when you become an adult except your children, and if you have a partner then that. Other than that, stop focusing on those who hurt you, stop letting them rent the space in your head for free. Stop preventing yourself from improvement and growth. Forgive them, for yourself, and close that chapter. I promise when you learn this lesson, then the positives are what matters and the positives are what brings happiness. Negatives do nothing but hold someone back.

NOBODY DESERVES TO BE HELD BACK WHEN IT COMES TO GROWTH AS A PERSON, AND IMPORTANTLY A PARENT!!!

Research done in 2018 has stated that when combining families you can’t just be a parent to your children only. When this behavior is done all that they are doing is dividing the house.

Combining families is a hard task. It’s a constant tug-a-war. Neither parent wants their children to feel left out or not be treated as an equal. In order to successfully combine families is both adults have to parent as a team. It’s about being fair and gaining those relationships as a family and with all the children.

When my fiancé and I combined families it was not easy. We had to figure out what worked and what didn’t work. There was learning to be that team and support each other. Even if I or he didn’t agree with what the other did, it’s never ok to show that in front of the children. All that does is causes the children to see they can play both sides. Also, loose respect for the step-parent. The Brandy bunch made combining families look extremely easy, but I’m here to tell you that is a false thought process.

It’s about rolling with the “punches” and establishing that family setting. I know myself and my fiancé stated to all the children that we are a family now and going forward. That seemed to be something that sounded like a broken record. The children needed that constant reminder though. We had our own fights due to the stresses of combining families. To the point of both of us thinking it was a mistake and needed to call it quits….

After 3.5 years now every night if all the children are home one by one they will come into our room and make their way to both sides of our bed to tell us both goodnight. We stuck it out, and as we lay in bed you hear all 6 children in the living room laughing and being brothers and sisters. I honestly never thought that would ever happen. At dinner they all eat together and will sit there and talk and be typical siblings. We are the modern day Brady bunch. I had my two sons’ and my fiancé had 4 children; 3 girls and 1 boy. So we combined families and ended up with 6 children; 3 boys and 3 girls. When I’m at the store and I have my stepdaughters people think they are mine and I never just say I have only 2 children now, when I discuss my children it’s I have 6 children. I made that choice to combine families. My fiancé made that choice to combine families. It was far from easy, and I wish I could tell everyone these secrets that makes it all easy. That would be a lie on my part….

It’s not easy, it’s hard and it tests you as an adult and a parent in ways that typical life doesn’t test you on. It’s a struggle, it’s a battle and a tug-a-war. Here we are almost 4 years later and barely now over the last 3 months each of the 6 children come in and tell us both goodnight. They don’t see it as it’s just their dad/stepdad and I’m just mom/stepmom. Our children now when either of us adults come up they don’t think about one without thinking about the other.

That’s what makes the struggle and all the issues worth it to not give up.

It’s hard to not give up when a situation just becomes unbearable or what they think is. If you give up on anything because it’s hard and not ideal then what does that show you about yourself? If I give up it would only be after I knew that without a doubt I did the best I could and everything I could do. That would be the only way I gave up.

Even when the issues became extremely hard, I couldn’t give up on what I made the choice for myself and it involved 6 children.

It’s not easy to combine families. In fact it is going to be one of the hardest factors someone will ever have. What I can tell you is, at the end of the day it will be worth it. One day it will just snap and the children will be completely different.

Hang in there and don’t divide your house. Be the parent you are to your children to your now combined children.

Medium Medium Staff Mom’s Life Writers n’ Bloggers

$162,000/yearly 😯

Yes, that number is correct according to salary.com.

They conducted a surgery about the duties that stay at home mothers do daily, and how much their salary would be a year. Talk about a HUGE shock.

Then I thought, that isn’t a shock. I went from a single mom that had a full-time job. Now I’m a stay at home mom and full-time college student, even throw in full-time fiancé. Thinking about everything I do every day. The last one typically to go to bed, I get up with my fiancé at 5 am when he leaves for work, that’s the time I can start my school work for the day. Then once each of my six children start waking up it’s non-stop for me. Now that school has started that’s an added job and my two oldest sons’ football season is starting, adding another job. However, without the newly added jobs that just started my day duties consisted of:

• Up at 5 am, start my school work.
• By 7 am it’s making breakfast for my children
• Laundry
• Clean up from breakfast
• Feed dogs and make sure they have water
• If it’s trash day make sure the can is at the road
• Put away laundry, start more laundry
• Find time for myself to shower
• Make sure kids are dressed
• Clean my house which is like brushing your teeth with Oreos with children home
• More laundry- literally never-ending
• Make lunch
• Clean up after lunch
• Make sure I took some type of meat out of the freezer for dinner
• Grocery store if I’m lacking something for dinner
• More school work
• Laundry
• Mopping
• Phone ringing and making sure I’m available
• Typically everyday fiancé calls needing me to do something, so add that to my list
• More school work
• Making sure my kids are doing their homework
• Running kids to sports practices
• Starting dinner
• Getting my youngest bathed
• Serve dinner
• Pick up children from practices
• Once they all done eating and the fiancé then clean up, my dinner is typically on a plate to the side untouched
• Make sure Fiancé clothes for the following day are out
• Make sure children put their clean clothes away
• Fight with them all to go to bed
• Finally at 8:30 pm that might be the first time I got to eat a real meal while doing more school work
• Let dogs out to potty
• If I’m lucky I get to sleep by 11 pm just to wake up and do it all over again….

A stay at home mothers job is constant. Not only is she taking care of the children and spouse, but she’s also taking care of the entire house responsibilities. It’s not an easy job, that’s why I completely agree with that surveys conclusion about the salary rate. Also, a stay at home mother goes often unappreciated. It because normal for the children and spouse to not notice all she does from start to finish. Yet, she never quits, because she cares and takes pride in her home.

Being a stay at home mom is the first time for me over the last 3 months. I can say, this job is a constant go go go all day. There is no break, if you take a break in a moment it could look like a bomb went off in your house. Your a taxi, cook, maid, referee, secretary, finance professional, a nurse, a mom, there are so many hats you begin to have when you are a stay at home mom.

However, I’ve enjoyed this because I’ve built a stronger relationship with my children more now and I’m not missing out on those little moments that you can’t get back.

If you have a stay at home mom or married to one, look at that salary rate and let it sink it. Show her she is appreciated and show her she is valued.

If you are a stay at home mom I will say you aren’t an amazing woman and don’t forget that. You are appreciated even when you may have those moments and feel you aren’t. You my dear, are irreplaceable and don’t forget that.

Medium Staff Medium Mom’s Life The Stay Calm Mom Women Social Media Busy Mom

www.azmoms.blog